What Churches Get Wrong About Parents

Parenting is overwhelming. My wife and I look at each other some days and wonder, "Are we doing any of this right?" I love my kids, and most of the time, I even like them. But the schoolwork, the drama, the endless schedules—it’s a lot.

And here’s the thing: I want my kids to grow in their faith. I want them to find a community at church. But too often, the Church makes it harder instead of helping. I don’t need another long email I won’t read. I don’t need more guilt about how I should be leading "family catechesis." What I do need is a church that actually supports me as a parent, rather than adding to my already full plate.

So if parents like me are such a mess, what does that mean for you in ministry? How do you work with parents instead of against them?

Honestly, I don't know the magic trick or the three-step process. But if you want to win over parents so that they become less of a problem:

GET TO KNOW THEM AS INDIVIDUALS, NOT JUST PARENTS

I think we all know that parents are people, but too often the way we treat them through ministry is as if they are this other species. Not all parents are alike. They have different personalities, gifts, talents, and limitations. If you take the time to get to know parents, you'll overcome so many of the obstacles partnering with them can create.

If a parent feels seen and heard as the person God created them to be, they'll respond positively. They'll want to get to know you, listen to your vision and dreams for the young Church. Parents who know that they are more than an email are more likely to encourage their young person to engage, which means your ministry gets the support it needs.

CONNECT THEM TO CHRIST-CENTERED RELATIONSHIPS

There are some great resources out there for parents to help them in the formation of their kids, but the one that's helped me the most is the Christ-centered relationships I've formed through adulthood. When the local parish helps me connect in Christ-centered relationships through small groups, ministry, and outreach opportunities, I begin to see ways I can help my kids grow in their faith.

While I do enjoy a class, an online course, and a great book, it's knowing that I have people to talk to about morals, values, and other parental-faith issues that gives me confidence. If your parish isn't investing in adult relational ministry, then they're missing a huge opportunity to engage parents—no matter where they are in their faith.

When parents are rooted in Christ-centered relationships, they gain confidence—not just in their own faith but in their role as parents. And one of the most powerful ways to encourage that confidence? Remind them how amazing their kids are.

CHEER THEM ON AND BRAG ON THEIR KID

My kids are awesome! I love my boys, and I actually like them too. But there are days when I feel like I'm messing them up or missing an opportunity. When I hear my son's small group leaders brag on them and then give me some credit, it's huge for the ego.

We have to remember how critical parents can be of their ability to raise kids properly. There is a lot of pressure from the world to be perfect—we don't need the Church piling on. One of my favorite things to do when I worked in a parish was to email or randomly call a parent for no other reason but to say, "Your kid is awesome. I love what you are doing, please tell me your secret."

Even if the parent doesn't believe you, you've shown them that the Church cares. They begin to see the Church as a resource and a guide to get them through some tough moments.

If you are tired of parents being the problem, the real question you have to ask yourself is, "Do parents really trust me and the Church?" When parents trust you, they will go to you, enroll their kids in your ministry, and you'll see them around the parish campus.

It may seem small, but a single word of encouragement can change how a parent sees their role in their child's faith. It can open doors for deeper trust, better communication, and stronger participation in your ministry.

So, as we close, let me offer you one challenge. This week, call up a parent of someone in your ministry. Introduce yourself and tell them one thing that you admire about their kid. Give the parent credit and leave it at that. And if you do follow through on the challenge, come back and share in the comments what happened. Would love to hear it.

Finally, as a parent, I want to acknowledge that, yes, we can be a mess sometimes. But please know how deeply grateful we are for the ways you've mentored our kids, walked alongside our families, and reminded us that we have God with us.