ONE WAY TO RE-ENGAGE A VOLUNTEER WHO GHOSTED YOU
“They said yes... and then disappeared.”
It happens more than we’d like to admit.
"Chris, I was all by myself tonight again." The small group leader looked a little annoyed—but not as much as I was inside. It was the third week in a row. Despite showing up the first two weeks, their co-leader had become a no-show.
What was odd was how enthusiastic this volunteer had been leading up to the program. She was asking all the right questions and even reaching out to parents. Then one day: nothing. I had emailed, left a voice message—no response. She had ghosted me and her co-leader.
When a volunteer ghosts you, it's awkward. When they don't respond to emails or phone calls, it stings—especially when you eventually see them again. While it's okay to feel hurt, disappointed, or even offended, make sure you avoid the following:Don’t Guilt Trip
Saying "We really needed you" may feel like honesty, but it comes across as punishment.
Don’t Assume the Worst
Life may have gotten complicated. Their silence doesn’t mean they stopped caring.
INSTEAD, TRY A "NO PRESSURE CHECK-IN"
You’re not chasing them—you’re reminding them they still belong.
Because you don’t know what’s been going on in their life, keep your message simple:
"Hey [Name], I know life gets busy—I just wanted to check in and say we miss seeing you. No pressure at all, but if you ever want to jump back in, the door’s always open."
If you see them in person, say the same thing. You can also invite them into a follow-up conversation when the time feels right. The goal is to show that you're there for them—not just because you need something.
When you do a "No Pressure Check-In":
This kind of message is disarming. It says, "You're still welcome here" without asking for anything in return.
IF THEY SAY YES
Now, if they tell you, "I'm so sorry, and I'd like to get back involved," it's okay if you feel hesitant. If you're cautious about getting burned again, consider:
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Offering a low-barrier re-entry (e.g., “Just come shadow next week”).
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Helping them discern another area to get involved.
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Pairing them with someone they already know or trust.
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Celebrating the yes. Say thank you—then say it again.
Don’t make them feel like they have to make up for lost time. Just help them start again.
In the story I shared earlier, I eventually ran into that volunteer at Mass. After I checked in, she explained that there was a lot going on. I could tell she was upset, so I said, "It's okay, life happens, things change—I'm just glad you're okay."
She admitted she didn’t know how to tell us she was overwhelmed and apologized several times. I reassured her, "It's not a problem, but if you want to get back into this or serve anywhere in the parish, let me know and let's talk about it."
We didn’t rush her. We just stayed connected. And when the timing was right, she came to us. Eventually, she did. We found that lectoring at Mass worked well for her schedule and played to her strengths.
WHY THE REACH OUT MATTERS
Some volunteers just need a nudge. Some need space. But many are just waiting for a reminder that they still matter. Reaching out isn’t about fixing the past. It’s about keeping the door open for the future. And if you can create an accessible atmosphere people will feel more comfortable serving alongside you. Don't let people simply disappear, even if it means they don't come back to serve. Send the check-in. Keep the door open, and remind them that they matter.
How do you create a culture where volunteers know they’re more than just a name on a schedule?