I was rushing from a youth ministry meeting to pick up my son from aftercare. Somehow, my wife knew I was going to be late so she called me to help.
“Are you sure you have him? It’s not a problem I can get him if you need me to.”
“No, I have this don’t worry, I’m right there.“
I wasn’t right there and I was going to be late again. I had packed in too many meetings, not given myself enough margin and my family was going to pay the consequence. I finally got there 20 minutes late and no one was happy. The aftercare employees were upset, my son felt abandoned, and my wife was disappointed that I couldn’t be honest with her.
If you’ve worked long enough in ministry you’ve disappointed people. We all battle the pressure to please others and be perfect. We’ll make promises we cannot keep and put way too much on our plate. The result is always disappointment.
Instead of trying to have it all together, leaders need to:
Admit they are not perfect
I’ve always known that I’m not perfect, but admitting it out loud is a scary thought. It welcomes in judgement and a risk of losing followers. At least that’s the lie I use to believe.
The first step to healthy boundaries is to know that you are susceptible to crossing them. If you think you are above it all, you’ve created a blind spot that can be dangerous..
Now that doesn’t mean you have to announce your shortcomings in front of the world. It needs to start with yourself and God. Confession is a beautiful gift that frees us from the burdens sin brings.
Once you acknowledge your imperfections you can begin to work on them. Instead of avoiding the issues they cause you can create a plan.
Know who they can really trust
You need to surround yourself with people who really care about you. That means they have the ability to:
- Look at you with love, despite what you’ve done
- Are not afraid of calling you out for any questionable behavior
- Can help you grow and rebound from any pitfall
These are people you need to invite into your life. While one of those people can be a spouse or a parent, you should look at:
- People in a similar season of life
- Others who model the type of person you want to become
- Individuals who can provide you with resources and opportunities
You can meet with people formally (set up a meeting for the group) or casually (grab a cup of coffee). Just keep them informed of what you are doing and trust that they have your best interest at heart.
Learn and constantly grow
Even though I’ve been in ministry for years I know that I don’t know everything. And because I don’t know everything I still find myself doing things I shouldn’t do.
If I want to avoid crossing different boundaries then I have to learn more habits and behaviors that will help me discern properly. The more wisdom, insight and information you can obtain the better you will be at prioritizing, managing and leading others. To help you
Take care of their overall health
I make most of my mistakes when I’m tired and worn out. My mind isn’t as sharp as it needs to be, I’m craving comfort or my willpower is weak. This usually comes from not:
- Sleeping well
- Exercising and eating right
- Engaging in prayer
- Taking time off from work
When I make poor decisions with my health they lead to poor decisions as a leader. You don’t have to be superhuman, you just need to know your boundaries. Embrace your limitations, rely on others and God to build on your strengths and you’ll thrive. You’ll not only reap the benefits, but so will those you love and care about.
How do you set healthy boundaries in your life?
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