How To Deal With Disappointment

I didn’t have to open the email to know what it was going to say.  The parents hadn’t heard from their child’s mentor for a couple of weeks.  I was anticipating disappointment and there it was:

Courtesy of Seabamirum/Creative Commons License

“Chris, I hate to do this but I’ve just realized I’ve got too much on my plate right now.  I can’t commit to serving in the ministry.”

Anger followed the disappointment and I found myself wondering:

• Why couldn’t you have told me sooner?
• What am I supposed to do now?
• Why does this always happen to me?
• What am I doing?

The disappointment turns to anger.  The anger turns into self criticism.  The self criticism turns into doubt.

Disappointment is a part of life.  As a youth minister you will face it when:

• Volunteers drop out of serving
• Teens you invested in make poor decisions
• Parents you thought had your back come after you
• Coworkers and volunteers you trusted throw you under the bus

To deal with the disappointment that comes with youth ministry you need to:

EMBRACE THE FACT THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN

People make mistakes for a variety of reasons.  To hold on to the disappointment is unfair.  Disappointment can be caused by unrealistic expectations.

By embracing that we are all human and that we make mistakes you are enabling yourself to move forward.  That’s where the healing begins.

HAVE AN OUTLET THAT IS CONSTRUCTIVE

The tendency is to find comfort.  Unfortunately, what starts as comfort can slowly tear you apart.  Surround yourself with people you can call to talk over a cup of coffee.  Share with them what you are feeling

Release the emotions in an activity like exercise, writing or cooking.  Do not hold anything in.  It will eat you alive and you’ll only resent the person.

LET GO AND MOVE ON

At some point you just need to let go of the disappointment.  That means taking it to God and asking Him to heal you.  Maybe that means going to confession.  It could mean writing it down on a piece of paper and burning it.  No matter how you do it, make sure you let go and move on.

LEARN TO TRUST

When disappointment enters your life it takes away the trust you once had.  While the first couple of steps are embracing the situation the next step is figuring out how to build trust.  To do that you need to forgive one another and start communicating.

If you can talk with this person you might discover their honest life story.  You might help them address the situations that set them up for disappointment.  Be careful not to make the situation about you.  Make it a situation where you can serve them.

Where have you recently faced disappointment?  How did you persevere?  Please Share.