Your First 10 Years In Youth Ministry

Doug Fields’ excellent book Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry is a great road map to the often-bumpy territory of a novice youth minister’s journey. And the resources (at least in my region and denomination) for new youth ministers to find support and guidance have never been more accessible.

But what about when you’re in that sometimes lonely stretch from about year 3 to year 10, no longer a “newbie” but not yet a true “veteran”?

If you’re like me, your first years were…rough. I even remember typing out a long list of reasons why I thought I was not a “lifer” in youth ministry (alas, that list is long gone).

Yet here I am, still standing, embarking on a second decade as a youth ministry professional. How did I get here?!

Well, here are a few things I’ve learned:

You’re only as good as your relationships.

Cultivating authentic partnerships and even friendships with your pastor, colleagues, parents, volunteers, the finance council, the men’s group, the knitting ladies, the AA folks, the Scouts leaders, your regional denominational staff…THAT is the primary work of youth ministry. Advocacy for young people in the Church is only valid if you have earned the ear of those who can make a difference!

Bloom where you’re planted – but don’t get stuck in toxic soil.

A recent viral post about toxic church environments reminds us that churches aren’t immune to dysfunction. The Holy Spirit puts you where you are for a purpose, but that doesn’t always mean you’re meant to stay there long term. When thinking about leaving your current Church, it’s essential to know why you’re considering a change. How can we discern between the need to escape an unhealthy work environment, vs. a divine call to transition from one healthy place to another, vs. the overgrown jealousy that is “grass is greener syndrome”? Well, the next lesson is critical…

Your team and family can only kind of “get it.”

As much as your volunteers should come to know you in a real way, and your family (including your spouse) should come to know your ministry in a practical way, they each have limits. You need to have ministry professionals, “it-getters,” outside of your Church who can tell you when what you’re experiencing is normal and when it’s toxic, who can commiserate over the unique frustrations of youth ministry, and who will provide a springboard for creative new approaches. (Yes, this is still true—maybe even especially true—if you have other youth ministry pros in your Church or your home.) For me, that community has taken the form of mentoring relationships, regional networks, and even Facebook groups!

You’re never going to get it “right.”

So long as you keep seeking formation, there will always be parts of your ministry that are shifting and transforming. This is GOOD! One of my mentors (the inestimable Tim Janiszewski) once said to me, “I’m changing up my program, not so much because I think it needs it, but because I need it, so I don’t get bored.” Your own excitement about your ministry is a crucial ingredient to its success. Once you’ve got a well-oiled machine, the instinct to shake it up is often the Holy Spirit’s prompting to keep the ministry’s biggest enthusiast—you!—from going cold. So lean into that, and take critical players along for that journey. On the other hand, remember…

What’s cliché to you may be profound to someone hearing it for the first time.

So many games, stories (like the one about the Starfish), traditions, and experiences become stale to us unless we remember to listen with the ears of someone hearing them for the first time. I often have to remind myself that SO MANY people (including those raised Christian) have never honestly heard the Gospel kerygma proclaimed! We can never tire of sharing it, and we should never stop letting it penetrate our own lives, either. The Great Commandment and the Great Commission, the Beatitudes and Matthew 25…if we find them boring, it’s because WE have stopped truly listening!

You’re older than you think – but that’s an asset, not a liability.

When I started as a short-of-stature, single woman in my early twenties, I had to struggle to develop a sense of my authority with teens and adults. I identified with the teens more than with their parents (though I still kept appropriate boundaries!). These days, the opposite is true. When I watched The Little Mermaid with my preschooler recently, I 100% sided with King Triton, and not with Ariel’s assertion that, at 16, she’s “not a child!” My comfort level with parents has increased exponentially, and I find that my “street cred” with teens isn’t diminished all that much. After all, back when I was “only” 25, my middle schoolers were shocked to learn that I knew about their favorite pop songs; I was shocked to discover that I didn’t seem as young to them as I felt. Thankfully, that’s not why they listened to me in the first place. They listened because I listened first, just as we love because God loved us first (1 John 4:19).

You’re a worker, not the Master Builder.

There’s a reason that the sermon excerpt “Prophets of a Future Not Our Own“ (often attributed to St. Oscar Romero, but composed by Fr. Ken Untener) crops up so often in ministry gatherings. It’s deeply true—we are a part of God’s work but are not Messiahs. We need the humility that comes from a healthy prayer life, a relationship with God that allows us to offer both our failures and our successes to the one who brings good out of both.

Someday, maybe I’ll write about “your first 20 years in youth ministry” or even “your first 30 years in youth ministry.” For now, I’ll look to the wisdom of the 20- and 30-year veterans I’m blessed to know, and to the enthusiasm of you newbies starting in their first years. We have so much to learn from each other!

Veterans (and newbies!), what hard-earned lessons do you have to share?