I was leading a coaching session recently with a group of priests who are doing the hard work of building youth ministry in their parishes. One of them shared something that stuck with me.
At his very first youth ministry meeting, he asked the teenagers to write down whatever questions they had about faith. He figured he might get some easy questions, but what he got instead were ones he was unsure how to answer. He got deep questions like, "Why is there so much evil in the world?" and specific ones like, "Is gaming a sin?"
His first instinct was to wonder if the teens were taking him seriously or if they were testing his knowledge. It's not that he didn't have answers, but he wanted to talk with them in a way that kept them engaged.
We don't always know why a young person will ask the questions that they do. But, when a young person trusts you enough to put their real questions on paper or speak them aloud it's an opportunity.
So what do you do with it?
STOP TRYING TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS
I think a lot of ministry leaders, especially those newer to working with young people, feel pressure to respond to hard questions with the right answer. And fast. We treat silence or uncertainty like a failure.
It is not. Young people are not looking for a theology professor. They are looking for someone who takes them seriously. When you say "I don't know, but that's worth exploring," you are modeling something far more powerful than a correct answer. You are modeling honest faith.
ASK MORE THAN YOU TALK
The most important skill you can develop in ministry is the ability to ask a good question. Not to redirect. Not to steer the conversation back to your lesson plan. But to genuinely find out what is going on in someone's life.
When a teenager asks if gaming is a sin, the real question underneath it is often something like: Am I okay? Does what I enjoy matter to God? Is there room for me in this faith?
You will never hear the real question if you jump to the answer.
CREATE A SPACE WHERE QUESTIONS ARE WELCOMED
If young people are not bringing you hard questions, it is worth asking yourself why. It does not mean they do not have them. It means they do not yet believe you can handle them.
That kind of trust is built slowly. It is built when you ask about their week and actually listen to what they say. It is built when you admit you do not have everything figured out. It is built when you show up for them outside of program time, not because it is on the schedule, but because they matter to you.
You cannot manufacture that. But you can create the conditions for it.
THE QUESTIONS ARE THE MINISTRY
The young people in our parishes are searching for purpose and identity. That is not a youth ministry problem. That is the human condition. And they are going to find answers somewhere.
The question is whether they find them with us, or somewhere else.
You do not need to have every answer. You need to be someone worth asking. Show up, stay curious, and trust that being present with the question is often more powerful than any answer you could give.
If you are looking for tools to help you build that kind of relational ministry, check out Ministry to Go and Ministry Coach at marathonyouthministry.com.