We love to remind parents that they are the “primary catechists” of their children. And it’s true—no one has more influence on a child’s faith than their parents. But here’s where the problem comes in: we tell parents they’re the primary catechists, then we leave them hanging. We hand them a job description without any training, vision, or support.
The result? Parents feel overwhelmed, inadequate, or guilty. Some check out entirely. Others try but feel like failures when they don’t measure up to the expectations we’ve piled on. If parents feel unsupported, then kids don’t just miss out on prayers—they miss out on a lived experience of faith in the home. And if we lose the home, we lose the heartbeat of catechesis itself.
If we’re going to place the responsibility of passing on the faith squarely on parents, then we have to ask:
What are we actually doing to help them live this out after the wedding day? After their first child's Baptism? After Confirmation?
I’ll be honest—it was easy to pray with our kids and teach them the basics of the faith when they were little. They listened, they absorbed, and it felt like things were “working.” But as they got older, they started testing the waters and pushing back on the things we asked them to do. And that’s natural. At some point, you want your kids to embrace the faith for themselves.
As a parent, you still have influence, but you also realize pretty quickly that your influence isn’t enough on its own. Your kids need other adults in their lives reinforcing the same message. If you grew up in a home where faith wasn’t talked about, finding a godparent, mentor, or sponsor you trust can be really tough. Even when you do, it takes a team. Parenting already feels like juggling academics, sports, health, and emotional growth—keeping up with your child’s spiritual development on top of that is exhausting. Parents need the Church to stand with them, not just hand them a title and walk away.
And that’s exactly what happens in a lot of parishes. Parents bring their baby to be baptized, we celebrate the sacrament with them, and then… silence. We abandon them until their kids are old enough for PreK or elementary faith formation. By the time families reappear, parents have often struggled for years without guidance, encouragement, or a clear vision for what raising their child in faith could look like. No wonder so many feel defeated before they even begin.
So what’s our job as Church leaders if parents are the primary catechists?
-
Support after the Sacraments. Don’t let Baptism or Marriage be the last big moment of formation. Follow up with new couples and young parents. Check in. Offer something simple they can grab onto.
-
Pair parents with mentors. Create “sponsor couples” or family mentors who walk with new parents in those first five years. Having someone a season ahead can make a world of difference.
-
Translate Church language. Words like “domestic church” are beautiful, but parents need it broken down into real practices: bedtime blessings, grace before meals, family service projects, celebrating feast days in simple ways.
-
Build a wider net. Encourage intergenerational relationships so that other trusted adults—coaches, small group leaders, teachers—help reinforce the faith in ways that parents alone cannot.
We can’t keep handing parents a title without a roadmap. If we want them to be the primary catechists, then our role is to equip, encourage, and surround them with a community of mentors who reinforce the faith.
This week, take a look at your ministry calendar. Where are parents actually supported, not just instructed? And if you don’t see anything, what’s one step you can add this year to show parents you’re walking with them?