"I'm not sure I'm in the right job."
I've heard some version of that sentence more times than I can count. It usually comes from someone in their first year or two at a parish. They can't get volunteers. They're struggling to connect with parents and families. Most of what they hear is complaints: from parishioners, from volunteers who were loyal to the last youth minister, from people who liked the way things used to be.
Often their pastor is supportive in a general way. "Be creative. Try something new. Don't be afraid." That's encouraging. It can also leave a new youth minister feeling like they've been handed the keys and told to figure out the rest on their own.
When someone tells me they might be in the wrong job, I don't rush to talk them out of it. I tell them the truth: it's possible. Then we figure out why they feel that way.
Stuck, or Called Somewhere Else?
There's a difference between feeling stuck and being in the wrong place.
If you're stuck, there's almost always a way through. Stuck is a problem we can work on together. But if you're finding your joy in other things, outside the youth room, outside the parish, that may be a sign it's time to move on. That's not failure. That's discernment.
I'm careful not to minimize what someone is feeling. The frustration is real. But I also know that it usually takes a good year or two to settle into a parish. Most of the people who say this to me haven't been there long enough to build the relationships they need. In my heart, I know what many of them need most is more time.
You're Not Stopping an Asteroid
There's an analogy I use a lot: we're in ministry. We're not trying to stop an asteroid from hitting the earth.
That doesn't mean the work doesn't matter or that there are no deadlines. There are. The urgency you feel is real. But nothing you do this week is life or death, and it doesn't all have to be accomplished by tomorrow. This is a slow build.
I know this because I acted like I was stopping an asteroid in my own first years. I started out focused only on middle school ministry. My supervisor was still there running the bigger picture. All I had to do was activities, games, and connecting with volunteers. Even so, I was afraid of every deadline. I wanted everything perfect. I felt like I had to top myself every single week.
I promised my volunteers I'd get them materials a week ahead, sometimes weeks ahead. In reality, I was sending them out on Thursday for a Sunday program. I was off Fridays and Saturdays. I was always striving for margin, and the margin never came. I started worrying that my volunteers were questioning whether I could do the job.
One weekend I canceled the program. I wasn't burned out, but I was tired, and I didn't feel ready. It was snowing, so I could blame the snow. But I knew the truth: the pace I was running was unsustainable.
Looking back, I see what was really going on. All the administrative work, writing the content, formatting it, getting it out on time, felt like the asteroid. It was urgent, so it got everything. What it took from me was the mental and spiritual space to prepare to be present. When it was time to be with teens and volunteers, to actually do ministry, I had nothing left.
So what should you focus on in your first year? Four things. The voices pushing you to do more won't go away, but these are where your time belongs.
1. Name the Destination
Start with the outcome you're hoping for. What does success look like? What does healthy ministry look like at this parish?
Don't just think five or ten years out. Think six months from now. Think one year from now. A destination you can actually picture gives you something to say yes to, and something to say no to. If you need help putting that on paper, start with Do You Have a Plan, or Are You Just Reacting?
2. Take Stock of Where You Are
You can't plan a route without knowing where you're starting. If you haven't already, take an honest look at the current state of things.
What did ministry look like at this parish before you arrived? What resources do you have: people, budget, space, time? What's the culture of the parish, and what are people still attached to? This isn't about judging your predecessor. It's about seeing clearly, so the complaints you're hearing start to make sense.
3. Set the Rest Stops, and Cut to the Essentials
Once you know where you're going and where you're starting, decide on the milestones in between. Think of them as rest stops on a long drive. They tell you you're making progress, and they give you permission to pause.
Then look hard at your to-do list. After that snow weekend, I looked at everything I was doing to prepare for a program and asked one question: what do I actually have to do? I cut the list down to the few things that mattered and focused on doing those well.
Once those got stronger, I could hand them off to others and add something new. Years later, I had people helping me develop content so our volunteers, catechists, and small group leaders got it weeks ahead of time. That didn't happen in year one. In year one, I was still figuring it out, and I had to give myself grace for that. If margin feels impossible right now, The Habits That Actually Build Margin in Ministry is a good next read.
4. Build Relational Capital
This is the one the asteroid will always try to steal, so protect it.
Spend time with your volunteers. Get to know them personally. Ask about their faith journey and their stories. Then share with them what you're learning: where you think the ministry needs to go, and where it's starting from.
Do the same with parents. If you're a parent yourself, you can talk with them in solidarity. If you're not, ask questions and learn how to empathize with what they're carrying.
This is what makes everything else possible. When people see that you're committed to them relationally, they give you more grace and patience when it's time to put a plan in place.
A Word to Pastors
One of the reasons I survived my first years is that I didn't start alone. My supervisor was there, helping me onboard, carrying the parts I wasn't ready for yet.
Many parishes skip this. They hire someone, say "be creative," and step back. If you've hired a youth minister in the last year, walk with them. Accompany them until they feel settled, then hand them the reins. Encouragement matters, but presence matters more.
These Aren't Just First-Year Habits
I've had this same conversation with veterans. People who've been in ministry for years get bogged down by the busyness, the expectations, and the urgency, and they forget that this work takes time. There are seasons when you're thriving. There are seasons when you have to slow down, reset, and revisit.
I've had to start over more than once. When I moved into a new ministry. During the pandemic. When coworkers changed. When the DRE left my last parish and I took over the children's program while our youth ministry was growing. Starting over in children's ministry forced me to rethink how we were doing youth ministry, too.
What you build in your first couple of years, a clear destination, an honest look at where you are, a short list of essentials, and real relationships, becomes the set of habits you'll return to every time ministry changes. And it will change.
So slow down. You're not stopping an asteroid. You're building something that lasts.
If you're in your first year and want someone to walk alongside you, that's what MYM Coaching is for.