When And How Far Should You Bend?

One challenge every leader faces is when to bend and when to stand firm.  You don’t want to seem unruly but then again protecting the integrity of what you do is important.

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In youth ministry requests to make exceptions come in many different forms.  Requests come from parents, teenagers, your pastor and volunteers. Some are predictable and others are very personal.  In the end you need to discern:

How Far Should I Bend?

When to bend and when to stand firm is not something to do on your own or quickly.  In fact it’s important for you to:

GAIN INSIGHT FROM THE EXPERIENCED

Chances are someone else has walked in your shoes.  Most times you can rely on fellow youth ministers who know what you are experiencing.  They’ll be key to give you insight on how far you should bend and how you should act.

If you do not have this group look for one locally.  If that’s not possible you can definitely find one online (Check out Marathon Youth Ministry’s Facebook page HERE). When you have a group you can trust you never have to worry about facing these decisions alone.

SEEK ACCOUNTABILITY FROM LEADERSHIP

While your pastor can give you counsel you want to make sure he is in the know.  It will allow you to be on the same page so that if someone goes above you because of your decision he can back you.

To have that accountability and support you need to have trust.  You need to trust that if he disagrees with you it’s for your own benefit.  In those cases you might want to follow his lead.

Your pastor is going to be able to see the decision from a fresh perspective.  He’s been in similar situations where he’s had to wonder, “How far do I bend?”

KEEP TRACK OF THE CURRENT SITUATION

Knowing what you’ve done before will help you with future decisions.  During the process jot down the scenario.  If you can journal the experience with:

• How you feel
• What decisions were made
• How people reacted
• What you would have done differently

Noting the process is going to give you clarity and confidence on what worked and what did not.

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX

If someone is asking you to bend, don’t be afraid to ask them to bend back.  Some scenarios can be resolved with a little creative thinking.  That might mean compromise, but it will get buy in from both parties on the situation.  Try not to think about everything as black and white.

LEAN INTO GOD AND RELY ON PRAYER

Certain decisions come with an incredible amount of pressure.  Release the burden by handing it over to God.  Slow down the situation by asking God for clarity and wisdom.  The decision might not get easier, but it should become more clear.

When you have to make a tough decision, don’t lose hope.  Find that balance so that people see you as fair.  Develop a process on how far to bend. Work with people and trust that God will give you the best outcome.