I once heard someone say that before they walked into their house, they would pantomime taking off an invisible hat—work hat off, home hat on. I loved the symbolism, but no matter how often I tried it, the hat seemed to stay glued to my head.
Whether it was exciting ministry news or a frustrating conflict, I struggled to shut it off before walking into my home. Over time, I noticed that the more “unprocessed” experiences I brought home from the Church, the more it affected how my family viewed the Church—and how I experienced my own faith.
For those of us in ministry, the idea of work-life balance looks different. We worship where we work. Our professional and spiritual worlds are intertwined. It’s like a film editor watching a movie—you can’t unsee the cuts and mistakes. When you know the behind-the-scenes, you can’t simply consume it anymore. Ministry changes how we see the Church—sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.
When we don’t acknowledge this, we risk burnout, cynicism, or even losing the joy that first brought us to ministry. But when we do, we begin to handle it in a way that allows for peace and perspective.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE TENSION
We have to be okay with admitting that working in and for the Church will have both a positive and negative impact on us and those who love us. While people may struggle with the larger teachings of the Church, our daily interactions with coworkers, both lay and clergy, often shape how we engage in the sacraments, formation, and community.
Once you admit this reality, it becomes easier to handle it with balance and grace. Pretending ministry doesn’t spill into your personal life only makes the tension worse. Admitting it opens the door to healing.
FIND ACCOUNTABILITY AND SUPPORT
Over the years, my family has learned how to talk about my work in healthy ways. I’ve learned which stories are helpful to share—and which ones aren’t. That balance didn’t come naturally. It took a therapist, a spiritual director, a ministry coach, and a few trusted friends who could help me process things without judgment.
Some of these people are connected to my parish life, others have nothing to do with it—and that’s the point. Having people who see you but aren’t affected by your struggles is freeing. These relationships have been life-giving and, honestly, life-saving.
LEARN HOW TO STEP AWAY
When we’re physically tired, we know to rest. But when we’re emotionally or spiritually tired, we often just push through. Stepping away doesn’t mean quitting—it means creating space for God to remind you who you are beyond your role.
That might look like walking for 20 minutes mid-day, journaling at night, or having a simple post-work ritual that signals: I’m done for now. Not doom-scrolling, not numbing out—something intentional that re-centers your soul.
We all have coping mechanisms, but they need to be healthy ones. Finishing off a family-size bag of chips, pouring an extra drink, or scrolling until our eyes blur won’t restore us. Taking time to step away in a healthy manner takes intentionality and discipline. You can’t be reactive; you have to be proactive.
EMBRACE THE MESS WITH THE MISSION
If you want to last in ministry, you have to accept that “balance” takes work. You’ll cross boundaries, overcommit, and sometimes wonder if it’s even possible. It is—but it takes humility, self-awareness, and a willingness to let God meet you in both your exhaustion and your joy.
Work-life balance isn’t about keeping things separate. It’s about letting God bring wholeness into all of it. Life is meant to be full—so don’t be afraid to embrace the mess with the mission.