Are You Ready To Share Your Brokenness?

I needed a glass of water. My lips were so dry that it was hard to talk, but I didn’t want to stop because what I wanted to share needed to be heard. I powered through clumsily, but as the message had been delivered, in front of a room full of youth ministry and diocesan leaders, I admitted my brokenness.

While I feel like I’ve been mostly transparent about my mistakes in ministry, I don’t think I’ve been open about the hurt and brokenness I’ve encountered in recent years. Since 2016, I’ve been healing through some pretty major ministry wounds.

As the wounds have closed, I realized that the scars remain. That’s not going to change, and that’s okay, but I don’t want to hide them anymore because I feel like my scars might bring others healing.

A little over three years ago, I left what was once my dream job. From the outside, the move looked quick and maybe even a little reckless. In a way, it was, but the reality is that I had overstayed my welcome. Our parish was growing, and so was my platform. I was gaining attention from my book, “Rebuilding Youth Ministry”, my programs had record high attendance, and I was traveling the world. Everywhere I went, I received love, and it was addictive. Each time I got in front of a crowd or spoke to people, I felt affirmed and celebrated. It not only brought me happiness but created a burden I wasn’t ready to carry.

As the platform grew, so did the expectations. People who I had never met formed opinions that I felt I had to meet. At the same time, the people who knew and loved me started to see my true identity slip away. I was becoming the opposite of who God was calling me to be. As people tried to address it, I would respond with resentment. I started to believe that the people and teens I spoke to knew me better than my own family.

As my pride grew, so did some of the people around me. When you work at a growing parish that finds the spotlight, you can play a dangerous game. Your flaws, failures, and mistakes can easily be exposed. The human response is to hide them, which creates immense pressure: no more mistakes and no more missteps. The aspiration for excellence turns into the drive for perfection. Our pursuit of perfection is when we begin to hurt one another. Mixing my ego with a work environment of immense pressure is the complete opposite of what God has called the Church to be.

There have been many people who have been hurt far worse by the Church than me. When I hear the stories of what we do to one another, it feels like a little piece of me dies. I used to think I could justify those situations, but the reality is that while Christ is perfect, we are broken.

So, in this next leg of my journey, I’m going to be vulnerable with you because I don’t want you to feel like you have to hold onto your pain by yourself. I don’t know what Marathon Youth Ministry can do for you but what I want to challenge you to do is to:

EMBRACE YOUR BROKENNESS

It doesn’t mean you have to get on social media or in front of a room and share your hurt, but don’t pretend to be perfect. When we hide our brokenness, we create a wall, and while others can’t name the obstacle, they experience its power. They don’t see you, and if you are trying to show Christ, they aren’t going to see Him through you as clearly.

SHARE YOUR STORY

Again, you don’t need to get in front of a crowd; in fact, that might not be helpful. Although not all details are for all people, share your story. If you feel like what is bothering you needs to be taken off your chest, see a therapist or spiritual director. If anything, bring it to confession.

LISTEN AND REFLECT MORE

One of the things that have helped me acknowledge my brokenness is by going back and looking at journal entries during that season. I can see the anger, frustration, and anxiety in my words. It’s forced me to ask the question, “Are you still feeling that way today?” Fortunately, the answer has been no. Keep a journal, spend time in prayer, and ask the Holy Spirit to guide and heal you.

FIND COMMUNITY

The reason I was able to confess my brokenness publicly last week is that I found myself in a community that cared. As I looked around the room, I saw their hurt too. God is always present, and you can feel it when you sit in a community of believers. If you are doing ministry alone, take time to connect in-person with other youth ministers even if they aren’t in your denomination. Solidarity and accompaniment will bring you through.

I don’t know where you are, but please know that you are not alone. There are men and women who care about you even though they might not have met you. If there is hurt in your life, please don’t pretend it doesn’t belong there. Bring it to light so you can bring it to Christ. That is when the real healing begins.

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