“You are doing too much.”
It was a phrase I had heard plenty of times from volunteers in my ministry. This time, though, I was on the receiving end—now as a business owner. Starting your own business can be energizing and meaningful, but it is also relentless. So when those words landed, my first reaction was a familiar one: Not again.
Over the years, I’ve learned that seasons of busyness are inevitable. No matter your role—ministry, parish life, business, or family—there will be moments when you stretch beyond capacity. The mistake we often make is trying to eliminate busyness altogether. That’s unrealistic. What matters far more is how we respond when things become too much.
This isn’t about becoming more efficient or learning how to cram one more thing into your calendar. It’s about deciding what no longer belongs.
When I hear the words, “You’re doing too much,” I try to return to a few practices that ministry has taught me.
When life feels chaotic, clarity rarely comes from pushing harder. It comes from creating enough distance to see clearly.
For me, that usually begins with prayer—often a decade of the rosary. The familiarity and rhythm slow me down and remind me that I’m not in control, and that’s not a flaw. It’s the truth.
I’ll often pair that with a walk, exercise, or intentional breathing. Not because it fixes the problem, but because anxiety clouds judgment. You can’t discern well when everything feels urgent.
Finally, I journal. Getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper helps me see what I’m actually carrying. More than once, I’ve realized I was stuck on a fear or assumption that had grown far larger than it deserved.
A simple question I return to here is:
What feels urgent right now—but may not actually be essential?
When someone tells me I’m doing too much, my instinct is to say, “I just need help.” The problem is, I don’t always know what kind of help I need.
That’s why outside perspective matters. I’ve learned to bring these moments to people who will listen first and ask good questions—my therapist, spiritual director, business coach, or advisory board. Their role isn’t to fix everything, but to help me distinguish between true responsibility and unspoken expectation.
I do share some of this with my wife, but it’s important not to place the full weight on family alone. Overload becomes heavier when it’s isolated. Shared discernment makes it manageable.
Most leaders don’t need more people doing tasks for them.
They need help naming what can be released.
It’s much easier to say, “What I should do is…” than to say, “What I need to stop doing is…”
We grow attached to our tasks—even the ones we resent. Letting go can feel like a loss of value or purpose. We worry that stepping back will disappoint someone or diminish our role.
But here’s the hard truth: if everything is a priority, nothing is.
Revisiting priorities means identifying the three to five things that truly require you. Not what you’ve always done. Not what you’re good at. But what only you should be doing because of your role and responsibilities.
A helpful question here is:
If this disappeared tomorrow, would the mission truly suffer—or just my sense of control?
When priorities are clear, everything else becomes negotiable.
I tend to overextend myself because I’m drawn to new ideas and opportunities. I like building things well and seeing them through. Those motivations aren’t bad—but left unchecked, they lead me to say yes too quickly.
When I pause to ask, “Why did I say yes to this?” patterns emerge. Sometimes it’s excitement. Sometimes fear. Sometimes a desire to prove something.
Recognizing those triggers doesn’t fix everything overnight, but it does help me approach future decisions with more honesty and restraint. (To learn more on what drives you visit HERE)
Sometimes all I need is a pause and a reset. Other times, the situation requires support.
Overload lingers when no one is helping you decide what to stop.
Healthy leadership is never meant to be solitary. That support might look like a therapist to help process emotions, a spiritual director to attend to the spiritual weight, a ministry coach to think strategically, or a team that ensures you’re not carrying the mission alone.
Trying to do everything yourself is often the hidden reason you feel overwhelmed.
If you’re in this place, first know this: you are not alone. Research consistently shows that work overload is one of the primary reasons people leave ministry (Check out FYI Report on Burnout HERE).
Next, take a moment to name the source of your overload. Is it a job transition? Parish restructuring? Family stress? Health? Spiritual dryness? If you’re unsure, consider reaching out to a supervisor, mentor, or diocesan contact to help you discern your next step.
At Marathon Youth Ministry, we offer coaching and cohorts designed to help leaders uncover their motivations, clarify priorities, and build sustainable rhythms for ministry. If you need a space to think clearly and not carry this alone, you can set up a free conversation with us here.
You don’t need to do less because you’re failing.
You need to do less so you can lead well—for the long haul.