One night after a youth group meeting, one of the middle school students exclaimed, “I can’t wait until this year is over.” I assumed he was talking about the school year, but he was referring to our youth program. I told him,
“Well, you don’t have to be here if you don’t want to be.”
He looked at me puzzled and asked, “What about Confirmation preparation? Don’t I need to be here for that?” At that moment I knew I had a moral dilemma. The truth was that he didn’t need to be there, but I didn’t want to tell him that because if he had the choice, he might choose not to come back. But I didn’t want to lie, so I told him the truth. He replied, “Oh, okay I didn’t know that…thanks for letting me know.”
He never came back.
I hate the attendance requirement. There is nothing worse than telling a teen he or she has to come to your program. Once you tell someone they “have to” do something, you take away a precious gift: CHOICE. There is nothing better than leading a ministry where teens choose to be there. That’s when enthusiasm and commitment are high, and you can start to build a sense of community.
The reason most of us are afraid of eliminating the attendance requirement is that we’re afraid that no one will show up. But that will only be true if:
1. You haven’t done a great job explaining WHY they should attend.
One of the reasons youth may be reluctant to engage in your ministry is because they don’t see the connection to their lives. It’s your job as the leader to explain the importance of faith development in their daily lives both now and in their futures. And you have to do that repeatedly with enthusiasm and energy and in language that makes sense to teens and tweens.
Think about why people love music, movies, and sports. The reason these activities attract people’s interest is that they tell engaging stories that people can relate to. It’s not always easy to compete with professional storytellers for a teen’s interest, but the payoff makes it worth trying.
2. The people serving are a little weird.
On a scale of 1-10, how are your leaders on a relational level? Are they unfriendly? Too quiet? Talk down to kids? Always negative? Be honest…do they have a stink face?
I’m not saying church people are weird, but sometimes we recruit people, and they never teach them how to serve students. We just hope that they’ll figure it out like we did.
Your leaders need to know how to:
Break the ice with a first–time visitor.
Carry on a conversation and/or be a great listener.
Remember kids’ names and the details they share about their lives.
At your next team meeting, brainstorm ways to create a welcoming environment. Talk about the importance of connecting with teens who are wondering, “Does anyone here really care about ME?”
3. No one cares if they aren’t there.
When teens are required to attend youth group activities and they don’t show up, it’s easy to unintentionally give them a guilt trip when you call to ask why they weren’t there. People want to avoid that guilt, and that’s why they resent the requirement clause in your ministry.
There’s a simple fix for this problem: Don’t require teens to be there, but continue to take attendance. When someone doesn’t show up, call them and say, “Hey, we noticed you weren’t here, and we want to make sure you’re okay.” This approach changes the focus of their absence from accusing them of making a mistake to making them feel valued. They go from being a number to a name.
Not only do you need to make your ministry a choice, it needs to be a decision worth making. Show them the value, fill it with people who care and let them know you are glad they could make it. When teens choose to be there, the energy and enthusiasm of your ministry will be contagious.
What’s holding you back from taking away the attendance requirement?
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