Why NO Is So Hard

I have forgotten how to say, “NO” recently.  The other morning as I was getting ready for work I grew overwhelmed as I thought about everything that was on my plate.  What did I do?  I cancelled a couple of appointments, spent time at home and just breathed.  I’m usually a pro at the word, “NO”; however, I was finding that I was directing it towards the wrong people.  I was saying, “NO” to family and work opportunities that should take priority over the things I was saying, “yes” to.  I was finding myself even saying, “NO” to God.  

Courtesy of sboneham/Creative Commons License

Youth ministry is just like any industry where you can get drawn into commitments, obligations and responsibilities that you have no capacity for handling.  You begin to slow down, grow frustrated and become less productive.  When you don’t utilize the word, “NO” properly, you and everyone around you suffers.  But, why is it so hard?

• Too Many Great Opportunities: If you hit a wave of success, opportunity will knock at your door over and over again.  With each opportunity comes excitement and affirmation of your hard work.  What you need to do is figure out the cost of TURNING IT DOWN and TAKING IT ON. Make a pros and cons list, consult your family (And boss) and pray about it.

• Fear Of Letting Someone Down: Sometimes you’ll be asked to engage in opportunities, other times you’ll be guilted into it.  No matter the emotion behind the ask you need to know your current capacity.  People will respect you more for saying, “NO” then if you say, “yes” and do a half hearted job.  Only say, “yes” if you can give it your all.

• Confusion Of Priorities: If you have no vision or can’t list your values you’ll easily find yourself avoiding the word, “NO“.  When you know what’s number one, you’ll know when something is competing for it’s attention.  Make sure you margin time into your schedule when you can sit down, review goals, relationships and your personal vision.  If something you are doing is taking muddying up your priorities consider taking a step back.

The word “NO” doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you understand your boundaries.  You need to be able to maintain focus on what’s important in your life and you can’t do that if you do not have margin.  There will be times when you have to say, “yes” because there are certain family and work obligations that are mandatory; however, if you are ever unsure make sure you get support.  

• Record, mark and track all that you are currently involved in doing.
• Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable.
• Take time to discern with God.

When you say, “NO” you protect yourself from burning out.  You create more capacity for your gifts and you allow yourself to breathe.  You might miss a great opportunity; however, God will always provide you with something better if you respect your limitations.

Where do you struggle to say the word “NO“?