I always appreciated when a volunteer approached me after a small group session and said, “Chris, a teen shared something personal, and I wasn't sure how to respond.”
To me, this wasn't just a question—it was a quiet plea for reassurance: Please don't be upset; I did my best.
My response was always, “Whatever it is, it'll be okay. How did you respond?”
They would recount situations ranging from a teen acting out to someone challenging aspects of the faith. Occasionally, there were deeper issues requiring further attention. But no matter the specifics, I always affirmed their decision to bring it to me.
Seeking insight and guidance—regardless of how “big” the moment feels—not only makes someone a more thoughtful small group facilitator, it helps protect a healthy, welcoming, and safe environment for everyone involved. If there's one skill every catechist needs, no matter who they're working with or how, it's the ability to respond with care in difficult or unexpected moments.
Over the years, I’ve learned that creating spaces where faith is shared and people feel like they belong starts with one core principle:
It Always Starts with Listening
No matter what's shared, the first and best thing we can do is listen. Listen closely to the words, yes—but also to the tone, the posture, the feeling in the room. We might be tempted to think about how to respond, or to scan the room for others’ reactions, but the invitation is to be fully present and ask for God’s grace in the moment.
When someone shares something deeply personal, it’s usually taken a lot for them to get there. And even if their comment feels provocative or disruptive, that’s still communication. Our job is not to react right away, but to receive what’s said with attention.
Thank Them and Invite More
Most people aren’t looking for advice right away. They want to know they were heard. They want to know they matter. When someone shares something complex, tender, or even a little edgy, begin with, “Thank you for sharing that with me.” Then gently ask, “Can you tell me a little more about how you're feeling or what’s going on?”
Thanking them shows you were listening. Asking for more signals that you care and are willing to stay in the moment with them. When someone feels seen and safe, they’re more likely to open up—and that vulnerability becomes fertile ground for trust.
That said, don’t push. You’re not an interrogator. If they have nothing more to say, don’t pry. Just stay present. Be grateful. Hold space.
Follow Up, But Not Immediately
Sometimes, people need help thinking through what they’ve shared—but they may not be ready for that right away. If you're not sure what to say in the moment, it's okay to follow up later. You can simply say, “Hey, what you said really stayed with me. Would you mind if I took some time to process and followed up with you?”
That simple gesture can mean everything. It lets them know their words weren’t dismissed or forgotten. It builds a bridge for future connection and communicates care without pressure.
Following up also gives you time to pray, talk to someone you trust, and approach the situation with clarity and compassion. You're not trying to fix someone—you’re showing up as Christ’s presence in their life. That’s what accompaniment looks like.
Know When to Refer
If the situation involves abuse, self-harm, or anything that requires professional intervention, you must bring it to your supervisor or the appropriate authorities. You are not expected—or equipped—to handle those situations on your own.
Accompaniment isn’t about fixing someone else’s problems. It’s about walking with them through whatever they’re facing. And sometimes that walk includes helping them get the professional support they need.
A Final Word
If you feel called by God to be a catechist, small group leader, coach, or mentor, you’re not just passing on information. You’re walking with people. And that walk starts with listening.
For more tips and techniques on active listening, check out the excellent article from the Center for Creative Leadership: Coaching Others: Use Active Listening Skills
WHAT OTHER TIPS OR SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTIVE LISTENING AND AUTHENTIC ACCOMPANIMENT WOULD YOU SUGGEST?
Drop your thoughts in the comments or share this post with someone who needs encouragement in their ministry.