I have been working in youth ministry since 2006, and I have been at my current parish for almost 3 years. Over the last year I have had to de-volunteer (aka ask a volunteer to leave/fire) 2 people.
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In my experience, nothing can be as awkward and uncomfortable as asking a volunteer to take a break. Nobody wants to do it, but in all reality, sometimes it has to be done. From these recent experiences, I’ve learned 5 valuable lessons on the right and wrong way to de-volunteer someone:
Share with your pastor the situation. Ask for his insight, advice, and of course prayers to handle it well. Use this as a learning opportunity. Chances are that he has had more experience than you in this area.
Talking to my pastor helped me look at the situation from different perspective. It allowed me to be more confident in having those difficult conversations.
The first time I had to fire a young adult volunteer was over the phone; bad choice. Yes, it is a very unpleasant meeting face to face, but be intentional about this. A conversation over the phone makes it harder to communicate effectively. It’s especially sensitive when asking someone to leave. Take the care to plan effectively to have the conversation.
Don’t discount that old saying “practice makes perfect”. Sure, there are no perfect words when asking a volunteer to leave. However, practicing how and what to say really helped me in both times I had to have this conversation. When very clear and intentional with words, it made me more aware and focused in what exactly needed to be said and how to address the situation.
One of the most encouraging and helpful resources for me are my youth ministry mentor and close friends also working in youth ministry. Explain the situation and seek guidance on how they would handle this problem.
Getting input from several trusted colleagues helped me really discern how best to handle a difficult situation. And going to people I respect and trust gave me comfort in handling a situation at times, I would much rather just ignore.
This helpful trick was something my husband and I learned about in our first year of marriage. When talking to a volunteer, always start by affirming the positive things you see them doing and be sure to validate how you appreciate their time/commitment. When you have to address the difficult thing/s you see, wrap the criticism in a compliment. For example:
“Matt, I really appreciate your enthusiasm and excitement in being relation with our teens, however the joke you made to a nun about dressing up as a pregnant nun for Halloween, was a joke both our teens and adults found offensive to Sr. Jane”.
Your words won’t necessarily come out perfect, but wrapping words in a compliment can hopefully help lessen anger and defensiveness. One of the most humbling ways to grow and learn is from our mistakes and failures.
I have had my share recently in learning how to ask volunteers to take a break from ministry. But having unpleasant conversations will only make us stronger and more capable to handle it the next time a similar situation arises.
Have you ever had to ask a volunteer to leave? What tips would you add to the list?
Patty Hubbard is the Coordinator of Youth Ministry and Confirmation Prep at the Church of the Holy Family in Northville, Michigan. She has been serving in ministry since 2006 and you can follow her on Twitter @amoderngrace and her blog (about marriage, ministry and learning to cook more than Lean Cuisines at http://www.amoderngrace.blogspot.com/)