THREE HABITS THAT REBUILD TRUST IN MINISTRY

I've heard from clients and friends who work for the diocese that whenever they reach out to a parish, the response is usually some version of, "What do you want from me?" That's not just a diocesan director problem. Pastors, youth ministers, DREs, all hear it too, whether they're reaching out to parents or parishioners.

That stinks, especially when most of us see ourselves as a resource. I've never had a client ask, "How do I get parishes to do what I want them to do?" But maybe that's why asking for money, permission forms, or a simple response is so hard. People don't know how to accompany those they serve without wondering, "Are you doing this for me, or do you want something from me?"

While I haven't worked in a diocesan office, as a coach and parish youth minister I've learned that getting rid of that skepticism comes down to one thing:

RESTORING AND BUILDING TRUST

If someone responds to you with skepticism, it's probably because they've experienced broken trust somewhere along the way. You may never know how it happened, and you can't guarantee you'll fully restore it. But you can start.

LISTENING WITH THE INTENT TO LEARN

Listening intently isn't an act you put on to appear empathetic. It's how you learn more about the people you're accompanying. Listening sessions with groups can help, but the real work happens in your day to day encounters.

Listening with the intent to learn means not thinking about what you'll say next. It means not drawing conclusions until you have all the questions, and following up for clarity. When people feel heard, they let their guard down. When they feel heard, they're more willing to trust you.

Try this: next time you're talking to someone you serve, listen for the emotion behind their words, and if they give you a short answer, ask them to tell you more.

STRIVING FOR CLARITY BEFORE CONSENT

A lot of people think trust requires everyone agreeing on the same plan. Before people will stack hands or fully engage, they need clarity. Clarity gives people the information they need to feel confident, even when it doesn't equal agreement. That's okay. As long as people are clear on the plan, they won't be caught off guard, even if they disagree. When people know what's expected, rumors subside, and in an environment where trust is scarce, that matters.

Try this: at the end of your next meeting, recap what you discussed and ask, "Does anything need more clarity?"

INVITING THEM TO SHARE IN THE MISSION

"It's us versus them" shows up a lot, maybe not in those words, but it points to a lack of unity around the mission. If you want people to engage, they need to see themselves in it. Explain how they're impacted. Give them a chance to share feedback and ask questions. You don't have to hand them responsibility, but let them react and show them their input is received. When there's a real opportunity to participate, take it. The more people feel part of the bigger story, the more they'll engage with what you're asking them to do.

Try this: next time you sense hesitation from the people you shepherd, ask, "How do you see this impacting what you do?"

Building trust and unity in your ministry isn't easy, and it isn't quick. It comes down to putting people first, listening with empathy, and continuing to invite them into the mission. Do that, and "what do you want from me" starts to sound less like a wall and more like an open door.