My small group leader looked defeated, and when I asked her what she was thinking, she responded, "I don't even know why the teens are showing up?" She was referring to the girls in her small group. Over the last few months, she wasn't getting far in the conversations; teens were arriving late and often distracted. I told her that I understood her frustration, and all of a sudden, another leader who overheard our conversation said, "Don't worry, they're showing up!"
This other leader was not wrong. The students in our youth ministry are not required by us to attend. They aren't there to complete a sacramental preparation requirement. The reason they come is either because their parents want them to go or because they choose to attend. I reminded the leader that she was still new to the group, and everyone was still building trust. She nodded, smiled, and thanked us for the reminder.
When it comes to accompanying others, of any age, we can't underestimate the power of showing up. One of the largest obstacles I see parishes and ministry leaders overcome is the consistency needed to grow the community. If you want disciples who are growing in faith, if you want attendance and engagement to grow, it all starts with how you show up and what you do when they arrive. When it comes to the power of showing up, we have to remember:
When most of our leaders jump into small groups, they expect the conversation around faith and life to go deep quickly. They imagine philosophical and theological debates around culture and theology to consume the time. The reality many of them initially face is dead silence or that one kid who won't shut his mouth.
I remind leaders to always start with prayer and then the prompt, "Tell me about your week." I then remind them to keep following up with a "Tell me more..." statement. It's the small talk, the conversations about their week that break the ice and communicate to the group, "I don't just care that you are here, I care about you."
The deep conversations will come along, and there will never be enough. However, they will not come if you can't learn how to have a dialogue with your group. If you work with teens, make them the experts by asking them questions about things you hear about in pop culture. If you lead a group of adults, allow them time to share something about work or home life. The small talk adds up and reminds you that the key to relational ministry is knowing the person.
Whether you lead a group of young people or adults, touching base with them during the week is essential. My son's small group leader sends a weekly email. Most of the time, it's the same format, but it lets me know what he and his co-leaders plan to discuss. I love it because it is not only a reminder that they are meeting but opens the dialogue between parent and leader.
If you lead a group of adults, don't be afraid to start a group chat. Use it to share articles or videos that inspire you in your faith. Build the community out beyond your weekly time together. It'll not only keep you connected but get the conversation started before you even meet.
When you talk to your small group (even if it's through the parents) during the week, you minimize all the icebreakers because the conversation is already flowing. If you oversee catechists or small group leaders, remind them that participation increases when the conversation is already flowing. Provide your team with prompts, give them email templates, and remind them consistent conversation leads to an increase in participation.
We all want to be loved, and the Church is the perfect place to share it. In addition to showing up, it's important to remind others that you are glad to see them. Whether you work with teens or adults, if they feel like you don't like them, they won't want to return. Unfortunately, over the years, I've seen people leave groups because they felt that the leader did not care.
While you don't have to fake your enthusiasm, making small gestures (e.g., providing snacks) by saying, "I'm so glad you could make it," goes a long way. Remember we face so much criticism in our daily lives, and knowing that their group is a place where they can be built up and poured into is key.
If you create a loving environment, you will discover consistent attendance, and participants inviting others to join. In addition to being loved, so many people want to know if they belong, and the ministry you lead can provide that for them.
Your presence matters, and when you are intentional with how you show up and what you do, people will notice. The culture of your parish will grow stronger because your ministry is a place where people can be vulnerable. It all starts with reminding your leaders that their presence matters because they are a beacon of God's love.