"Is it a lot to ask parents to attend with their kids to faith formation?"
I paused at the question. My first reaction was pure parent guilt. Internally I groaned at the idea of one more thing on my schedule.
Then, after a moment, I thought about it as a former catechetical leader. I thought about how I had asked the same of families through sacramental prep and other areas of ministry. I thought about how this shouldn't be a big deal, but it felt like one.
A few other thoughts ran through my mind, so I responded, "Well, it depends."
There's nothing wrong with wanting parents to attend faith formation or a youth ministry event with their kids. If it's an open invitation, no one should be offended. It's when we require it, making it part of our programs and events, that things get more complicated. If that's the case, here are my thoughts.
My initial reaction to the question was all about my own poor time management. Whenever I hear "parents need to be there," whether it's faith formation at the parish, back to school night, or a piano lesson, I'm reminded of how busy my life has become. If you get pushback when you ask parents to participate, it's usually not because they don't want to do your thing. It's because it's one more thing. Be empathetic, let them lament, and remind them of the value and purpose. They might be reluctant, but most will come.
Not everyone will push back, and some will even be excited to engage with their parish this way. But if you want to win them over, invest in their experience. That means raising your hospitality, and making sure the time they spend at the parish with you is engaging and worthwhile.
You can't do all of that on your own. If you want to raise the level of quality on your parent events, build a team. Make parents part of that team. Have them help you design the format, prep the space, and run the programs. You can't create a quality experience running it solo.
When people ask me about getting parents to faith formation, one question I ask back is, "What's the purpose behind the invite?" Most say they want parents to receive catechesis, or to help parents talk to their kids about faith. Both are valid, but if you want real buy-in, you have to invest in community and relationships too.
Parents keep showing up to their kid's sporting events year after year partly because of the relationships they build with other parents on the sidelines. If parents form community with other parents, they'll feel part of the Church. They won't feel alone, and they might discover relationships that help them grow in faith long after their kids age out of your programs.
Identify a few parents to help cultivate that community. Give them the job of reaching out, following up, and starting conversations. Alongside events where parents attend with their kids, hold gatherings just for the parents so they can get to know each other.
We have to believe parents care about sharing faith with their kids. It might not look the way we imagine, but parents want to see their kids grow and thrive. If we're going to create space for that, we have to recognize the challenges they face and let them know the Church is there to support them as they walk with their kids.
So as you build your formation calendar and plan events for parents, recognize the challenges, invest in the experience, and build the community. Do that, and you'll see a healthy culture of family faith formation grow.