There’s a certain kind of fear that creeps in when you think about asking for help in ministry. It doesn’t matter if you’re approaching your pastor, your team, or even your board—the discomfort is real. You worry they might say no. Worse, you start to believe that a no equals a verdict on your worth. If they say yes, it must mean you’re valuable. If they say no, maybe you’re not.
That’s the lie we tell ourselves.
And I’ve told it to myself more than once. I remember one particular moment, years ago, when my family was experiencing personal financial woes. I approached my pastor about a raise, hoping to plant the seed for budget conversations down the line. He told me they were working on it. But months later, when he shared a laundry list of 50 goals at a staff meeting—none of which included salary increases—I lost it. Right there in front of everyone, I called him ungrateful.
That should have been the end for me. But in a private conversation afterward, he showed grace. He reminded me that raises in ministry aren’t given because of personal milestones (like having a kid or buying a house) but because of the value we bring to the mission. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it stuck with me. I learned that asking for help is about timing, clarity, and trust.
If you’re feeling under-supported or hesitant to ask for what you need, here are:
THREE THINGS TO AVOID
1. Leading from desperation
When you’re under pressure—financially, emotionally, or spiritually—it’s tempting to dump it all in one conversation. But desperation clouds clarity. It puts others on the defensive. Instead, give yourself time to pray, reflect, and prepare.
2. Making it personal
Saying, "I need a raise because we’re expecting a baby" may be true, but it's not the best angle. Tie your request to your role, your responsibilities, and the value you’re adding to the parish. Don’t assume others will connect the dots for you.
3. Treating the answer like it’s do-or-die
Sometimes you’ll hear "not now" or even "no." That doesn’t mean your request was wrong. It just means you may need to revisit your timing, budget realities, or priorities. A closed door doesn’t define your worth—it just redirects your path.
THREE THINGS TO FOCUS ON
1. Lead with vision and purpose
Whether you're asking for a raise, a new hire, or a shift in responsibilities, tie it back to the big picture. What’s the outcome you’re pursuing? More effective ministry? Better impact? Increased sustainability? Be clear about the "why."
2. Know the return on investment
Don’t just ask for help—show how it helps the mission. More staff means broader reach. A training budget means stronger leaders. A raise might reflect new leadership responsibilities that move the parish forward. Make your case with both heart and data.
3. Acknowledge the team effort
Asking for help is an act of humility. It says, "I can’t do this alone" and "We can do more together." That posture changes the tone of the conversation. You’re not making demands—you’re inviting partnership.
The discomfort of asking never fully goes away. But over time, it becomes easier to distinguish between fear and discernment. That’s when you start leading from a place of grounded confidence rather than fragile approval. And that’s where sustainable, spirit-filled ministry can really grow.
What’s been the hardest part for you when asking for help in ministry?
Drop your thoughts below—I’d love to hear what you’ve learned (or are still figuring out).