Student Leadership Lessons from Hunt. Gather. Parent.

A book that’s been all over the public radio and podcast airwaves recently is Michaeleen Doucleff’s Hunt. Gather. Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans.

As the parent of two young kids, I have been really intrigued by Doucleff’s basic question: kids start out wanting to help. In some cultures, like the mainstream American culture I was raised in, that helpfulness fades. In some other cultures, it doesn’t. Why?

It turns out that parents in different cultures respond differently to kids who want to help. For instance, my knee-jerk reaction when my preschooler son wants to help me make breakfast is to shoo him away, because his “help” will slow me down considerably. Or maybe I’ll give him some busy work so he feels like he is “helping,” but it’s not a task that actually matters in any significant way.

Doucleff says that her research indicates I’m going about it all wrong. Cultures, where children grow up to be helpers, are cultures where kids are helping out around the house as soon as they can walk. It becomes a part of their everyday existence to help. These kids are invited to help in ways that they can handle, but which are also truly contribute to the task at hand. Over time, shutting down my son’s desire to help instead of channeling it into action will kill that desire completely. He will no longer feel that they’re an integral part of the family “team” and when the time comes that I finally ask (or command), he won’t want to help out at all.

What does this have to do with ministry? It’s a great analogy for the challenge of student leadership. If I do it all myself, the typical tasks of youth ministry can become pretty efficient. But by refusing to slow down and do the work to accompany student leaders, I am missing an incredible opportunity to disciple teens and to cultivate healthy leadership for the Church, both in the future and today.

Doucleff gives some practical principles for how to respond to budding helpers’ energy. I’ve found that they helped me to define some pretty great principles for student leadership, too:

Remember that Teens WANT to Help.

God created people to want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. Kids and teens are people, too. That inborn bent toward servant leadership will either be built up or torn down by our actions.

Include Teens In Leadership.

When we neglect to invite and involve teens in leadership, what we’re really saying is “leadership isn’t for you.” In effect, this ends up communicating a really destructive message: “church isn’t for you.” But when teens see other teens in leadership, when they’re intentionally invited into leadership, the message that “leadership is for people like me” comes through loud and clear!

Divide A Task Into Subtasks.

Giving a teen a bite-sized (but real!) part of a task allows them to develop skills without a need for you to micromanage the process. Give clear expectations for that subtask, and let them figure out how to meet those expectations. Tailor the size of the “bite” to the experience level of the leader, just as you would tailor a helper subtask to meet (without underestimating) the developmentally appropriate abilities of a child.

• For example, I wouldn’t say to my preschooler “make oatmeal.” I would say first, “go get a bowl.” Then, “get out the cinnamon.” Next, “let’s pour the oatmeal into the bowl together.” And so on.
• Similarly: I wouldn’t tell a teen (or any leader) to just “plan a retreat.” I would give him or her a specific task—for a moderately experienced student leader, that might be something like selecting, practicing, leading, and evaluating an icebreaker game—usually as a part of a team, and never without providing clear expectations, resources, accompaniment, and support when questions arise.

Give Them A Shot!

Accompanying the young (or older!) leader as they work is important, but they will quickly come to understand whether their contributions are valued or merely tolerated (and perhaps redone “the right way” later on). Make sure they have room to fail a little bit. All leaders need to feel safe enough to stretch themselves beyond what they already know they can do “perfectly,” but not to feel so safe that they don’t feel there’s something at stake.

If we want to raise helpful kids and raise up empowered servant leaders following Jesus Christ, the bottom line is the same: Say “YES” to that desire to help! Though it may take longer or the “product” may be different from what we would create alone, the end result is far more than the sum of its parts.

How can you better integrate student leadership into your ministry? What obstacles are there to student leadership in your community? Which principle is the hardest for you to implement in your current context? Which is the easiest to implement – and how will you implement it NOW?