One of the most common frustrations I hear from priests and parish leaders is this: “Kids show up for sacramental prep and don’t even know the Our Father or the Hail Mary!” The exasperation is real, but too often what comes next is shaming parents. We make general statements about their failures, we complain about their lack of effort, and we act shocked that the “basics” aren’t covered at home.
Here’s the thing—when we shame parents, we don’t bring them closer. We drive them away. And that’s a problem because we believe, as Catholics, that the home is the primary place where faith is passed on. If parents feel judged or unwelcome, then the very mission of the Church suffers. The stakes aren’t small: it’s not just about kids knowing their prayers, it’s about families staying connected to Christ and the community.
Is it laziness? Or is it that we as the Church haven’t done a good job of walking with them and showing them what it actually looks like?
A few years ago, my son had a middle school math teacher who found out that my son played travel baseball. He asked me when his next game was. I figured it was just polite conversation, but then he actually showed up. On a Saturday. To watch a middle school kid play baseball.
During the game, I thanked him for coming, and he said something that floored me: “I get it. I’m a parent. I know what it means when others show up to support my kids. It tells me I'm not alone because someone else cares.”
That teacher got it. He wasn’t responsible for my son’s faith, but he understood the power of presence. He knew that showing up to something that mattered to us created trust. That’s the kind of incarnational presence the Church needs to model with parents. If we want to know how to help parents, we have to enter into their world and walk with them.
So how do we start shifting from shame to presence?
Watch your language. Instead of, “Parents don’t even teach their kids to pray,” try asking, “What can we do to help parents feel confident praying with their kids?”
Be present outside parish walls. Show up at community events, sports games, block parties, or even the school pickup line. Parents don’t just need us in the pews—they need us in their world.
Offer small wins. Equip parents with one or two practical tools—like a bedtime prayer or a mealtime blessing—instead of overwhelming them with lofty theology.
Parents aren’t perfect. None of us are. But before we point fingers or pile on shame, let’s remember that Christ didn’t sit in the temple waiting for people to show up—He went to the well, He went to the sick, He went to the margins.
This week, think about a parent who has given you a hard time and ask yourself: