3 Reason You Should Appreciate Your Team More
Courtesy of Loco Steve/Creative Commons License I have to confess I don’t thank my volunteers enough. It’s sad because I call them my team, I love...
I grew up with four sisters. However, there is only so much drama I can take. I love my teens, I love them a lot and that’s why there are just times when I want to say, “Get over it!”
Courtesy of No Lurvin Here./Creative Commons License
Granted that wouldn’t be the most pastoral thing to say, but to be honest we’ve all thought that before. Teens will have drama in their life and it’s our job to help them navigate through it. There will be times to love and comfort them. And then there are times when you need to help them move on.
In the Gospel of Matthew we have Jesus show the young rich man some tough love:
21 Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” – Matthew 19:21
Jesus knows he’s crushing the guys spirit, but he also knows that he needs to hear the truth. If he can’t give up his stuff to follow Christ he would never find perfection. Showing tough love is a part of ministry. And the reason you need to show it is because:
THEY NEED TO FACE THE TENSION
The first step to growth is sometimes naming the problem. If a teen comes to you with the same problem over and over again it’s because they fear conflict. Pray with them, and encourage them to face it. When they are willing to lean into the tension they’ll grow in confidence and trust.
YOU NEED MARGIN
You can only give away so much of your energy. Needy teens can suck away your joy. In your mind set a limit and find someone to hold you accountable. Once that teen hits the limit do not be afraid to say, “I’m sorry, I just can’t help you.” Then give them an alternative or refer them to someone who might have the advice. You might bruise their ego, but that’s okay. You need to protect yourself.
THEY NEED TO GROW AS INDIVIDUALS
It can be easy for a teen to stay focused on themselves. When you show them tough love you are teaching them to be independent. You are encouraging them to resolve a problem on their own. Granted they might need assistance, but if there is only so much you can do. Do not enable them, learn to empower them instead.
If you love your teens you need to be able to say, “NO” from time to time. Give them a little push to lean into the tension and face the consequences. When you can show tough love you can provide them the opportunity to grow on their own. And they’ll need when they head off into the world.
How are you with showing tough love? Do you agree that teens need it?