My youngest son was reluctant to go to faith formation. He had never pushed back, but over the past few weeks I could sense a hesitation. Finally, one morning he said, "I really don't want to go anymore."
As an employee at the parish, I had a moment of panic. Do I make him go? Do I let him skip? Honestly, I was more concerned about how it would look than whether faith formation was actually engaging him.
Fortunately, I took the time to listen. We had a good conversation and we were able to work something out. But it was a reminder of how difficult it can be to make your place of employment your family's church home.
That's a question I hear from many different people, and I've had different thoughts around the subject for years. While I think there are advantages to making your home parish the place where you serve, it's important to acknowledge a few of the challenges.
FAMILY GETS CAUGHT UP IN THE MIX
You will have hard days at work. That's normal. What matters is what you do with it. The natural instinct is to vent to a loved one, but that shapes how they view your work, and in this case, their parish.
If you have kids or teens who attend the school or faith formation, they will be seen as "YOUR SON" or "YOUR DAUGHTER." That can play to their advantage, but it can also create expectations they might not want to handle. Helping your kids, or your spouse, find their own identity within the parish can be difficult.
It's not all bad. More people will know your family than they might want, but someone is always ready to help when things get hard. Talk with your family about it, let them be honest about how they feel, and build a few people beyond family you can lean on when the job gets tough.
YOUR SPIRITUAL FORMATION ISN'T ALWAYS CLEAR
There is real fulfillment in leading a retreat or building a Bible study for the ministry. The problem is when studying scripture for work becomes an excuse not to read the Bible on your own. Leading a retreat, Adoration, or any spiritual experience is not the same as attending one yourself.
I believe everyone who works in the Church, even if it isn't their own, should have access to a spiritual director, attend retreats outside the parish, and invest in their own spiritual formation regularly. It's okay to attend Mass somewhere else, to be anonymous and focus on your own formation.
RELATIONSHIPS ARE MANY BUT NOT ALWAYS DEEP
You will meet a lot of people and form real relationships. Some will go deep, others will be for a season, and many will be out of convenience. You don't need a million best friends, but invest in a few who go beyond your role and your time at the parish.
You also don't need your whole social life at the parish. Build friendships in your neighborhood or through clubs that have nothing to do with your work. If your whole life is wrapped up in the parish, it's hard to get support when things get messy, and hard to be open about your struggles. Having that outside source can be key in the long run.
There are many blessings to worshipping where you work. You know your community better, understand its culture, and are more accessible to those you serve. There need to be boundaries between your personal and professional life, but people will rally around you and your family. If I did it all over again, I'd still make the parish where I work my church home. We just have to stay aware of the blurry lines, communicate with our pastor, coworkers, and family about what works, and help those we supervise name these moments so they can embrace the beauty of it.
If you take one thing from this, find a spiritual director outside your parish this year. It's the simplest way to keep your own faith yours, even while you're leading everyone else's.