There have been seasons where I didn’t like the people I worked with.
Those were usually the moments when I needed to vent. The easy move was to share my frustrations with another coworker, a volunteer I trusted, or my wife. But the problem was, I wasn’t just getting something off my chest—I was shaping how they saw that person.
What felt like relief was usually just stirring the pot.
Instead of helping, I was fueling gossip.
One of the reasons ministry gets messy is because the people who care the most can also be the hardest to deal with. That includes us. And when you’re already tired, that tension hits even harder.
And while leadership has a responsibility to create a healthy culture, it doesn’t fall on them alone. At the same time, the answer isn’t to bottle everything up and pretend it doesn’t bother you. That always comes back.
So what do you actually do with it?
I’ve noticed that I’m at my worst when my prayer life is off.
When I’m tired, frustrated, or uncomfortable, that’s usually when the temptation to complain shows up. And in those moments, I have to decide where I’m going to go with it.
If I don’t bring it to the Lord, it’s going somewhere else.
For me, that means getting to confession, meeting with my spiritual director, or just being honest in prayer. Not polished, not put together—just honest.
It doesn’t make the situation disappear, but it changes how I carry it. It reminds me I’m not doing this alone.
You need to talk about what’s going on. Just not with everyone.
There’s a difference between processing and gossip, and most of the time it comes down to who you’re talking to.
For me, that’s a therapist, an accountability partner, and a spiritual director. These are people who can actually handle what I bring to them. They also have permission to push back and speak truth into my life.
If you’re not sure where to start, just start with one person. They can help guide you from there. A diocesan contact, a trusted peer, even your doctor can help point you in the right direction.
The goal isn’t just to vent. It’s to get help sorting through it.
You can’t carry this stuff all day and expect it not to come out somewhere.
You need space to process.
For me, that’s cooking, going for a run, or just putting on some music and stepping away. It gives me a chance to breathe and let things settle before I say something I don’t mean.
If nothing comes to mind, keep it simple. Go for a walk. Journal. Sit with it for a bit.
You don’t have to fix everything right away, but you do need to give yourself room to feel it.
At some point, you have to deal with it.
If someone is making ministry difficult, avoiding it usually makes things worse. It doesn’t stay contained—it starts to affect other people, even if you think you’re managing it.
Confronting it doesn’t mean throwing everything back in their face. It means having a conversation that’s aimed at clarity and resolution.
If you’re not sure how to approach it, bring in someone you trust. Get guidance. Think it through before you walk in.
You’re not trying to win an argument. You’re trying to move things forward.
Ministry is messy because people are messy. That’s just part of it.
But how you handle that mess matters.
If you vent to the wrong people, you don’t just carry the problem—you spread it. If you ignore it, it sticks around. But if you bring it to the Lord, process it with the right people, and address it directly, you give it a chance to actually get better.