Is Ministry Messing With Your Personal Life?

The weeks leading up to kickoff I’m a mess. It’s always been that way. The stress of making sure volunteers have materials, knowing that the pizza has been ordered, prizes have been picked out and technology won’t fail begins to pile up. I’d love to say I hide the stress well and that I can take care of it with a long run. The truth is everything and everyone feels it.

Fortunately, my wife knows how to work with me when work pours into my personal life. Ministry will mess with your personal life and that can be okay. After all many of us worship at our place of employment. Some of our volunteers are our friends and paths often cross in public places.

When ministry blends into our personal life it can be a beautiful thing; however, when it takes over that’s when it not only impacts us but our family and friends as well. While I haven’t been perfect, what’s helped me prevent ministry from messing with my personal life is remembering that:

I’m allowed to have a life outside of ministry

I feel like this is just as hard for married people as it is for single individuals. The only difference is that single people can’t always use family to help them get out of work. The problem is believing that your job is more than just a job. Yes, working for the church is a great job to have with a lot of impact, but at the end of the day you have a life.

Put your personal/family time in pen on your calendar. Make some hard rules around whether or not you change them like:

• If I take away from personal time then I have to make it up within a week
• Saturday mornings are nonnegotiable unless my spouse okay’s it
• I’m will not work more than 2 nights a week within a 2 month time span

The rules don’t have to make sense to anyone but yourself. Create those rules, and share them with family. Yes, there are exceptions but keep them that way.

Work email stays on the work computer

The only time this changes is when I’m traveling for a work conference. My phone is on me the whole time and I’ll be too tempted to check my church email. That means if someone sends me something that sets me off, my family and friends are impacted.

I tell volunteers, and coworkers if I need to be reached during my time off then you need to shoot me a text or phone call. It forces the other person to reconsider whether or not they really need me. It also is a quicker way of answering a question or resolving an issue.

Family and friends don’t need to know all my problems

Working for the church is going to be like any job. There will be times when you love the things you do and enjoy your coworkers. And then there are those times when you just want to vent. While I know I can tell my wife what’s going on I have to be fully aware that what I say impacts the relationship she has with our church.

Unlike her job I don’t interact with her coworkers. While I know who they are I’m not going to be praying alongside of them every week. If I trashtalk an employee or criticize a decision my pastor makes and my family hears it, it will shape the way they view those individuals and the church.

That’s why you a spiritual director, an accountability group, professional coach or therapist. You need people you can go to so that you can vent, and lament in a healthy way. I’m not suggesting you keep secrets from your spouse, but you will be less likely of delivering too much information.

It isn’t always bad when your personal and professional lives blend. My life has been blessed by the relationships I’ve formed through work. Being employed by the church has helped me keep my faith as a focus. Just make sure you are communicate your boundaries and revisit your limits because it’ll help you stay in this for the long haul.

What’s worked for you when it comes to the balance between ministry and personal life?

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