“I feel alone.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that phrase from someone who works in parish ministry. The truth is that I’ve felt that way too. Feeling alone in ministry can be dangerous. It can slow down your productivity and rob you of your joy. There was a time when my loneliness would build up resentment towards coworkers. I’d feel like I was missing out on something important. I was embarrassed when I’d learn something that I thought maybe I should have known before.
If you feel alone, the worst thing to do is to sit in it. The longer you go, the harder it is to pull yourself out of it. The first thing you should do is:
It might seem obvious, but you cannot overstate how important our prayer life is to our sense of connectedness. Often when I’m feeling unsupported or lonely, it’s because I’m not relying on God enough. And, I’ll be honest, daily prayer can be challenging, there are mornings or evenings when it feels impossible. But, that’s where we have to remember that our prayers to God don’t have to be perfect. He’s not judging us on how many times we proclaim His name or follow the flow of the ACTS (Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, Supplication) acronym.
It’s essential to find a tool (e.g., devotional or rosary) and to put it into a tangible schedule or set a reminder on your phone. At the least, commit to something weekly and make sure you are feeding yourself spiritually.
As a youth minister, Sunday nights can get lonely after the programs conclude. It’s a reminder that coworkers are back at home, and it feels like I’m doing ministry on my own. Even though I don’t need to be in the office at a particular time, there are times I’ll come in because the majority of my coworkers are present.
There will be times when I eat lunch and invite people to join me. We might talk about our personal lives or discuss church work, but the point is to build a relationship. It’s through those relationships where empathy and solidarity grow. If your schedule has you continually flying solo, then look at making the adjustments so that you are more present when others are around.
If you are feeling disconnected or isolated, bring it to your pastor or direct report. Bring it up as a situation where you’d like their wisdom and insight. Supervisors aren’t minded readers. If there is something they are doing or not doing that is creating a feeling of isolation or disconnect, they need to know. You could be affirming a gut feeling that they have had, so don’t hesitate to share with them your experience.
At the same time, make sure you don’t make the entire situation about them. Sometimes our isolation is due to insecurity or fear we need to address. It’s in those situations where talking to a coach, spiritual director, or therapist is helpful. Keep your leadership aware so that they can check-in and bring you the peace of mind that people care about you.
Whether you are an extrovert or introvert, we all need community. While church ministry is a niche job, there are other people out there who understand your journey. Making intentional time to connect with them is so important because it brings about new ideas, encouragement, and affirmation.
Make sure you attend gatherings put on by your dioceses or denomination. Do a Google Maps search of local churches and cold call their employees. Invite them out for a cup of coffee or a bite to eat.
But, if you haven’t had success with finding someone locally or you are looking for more community, then check out MYM University. It’s our online community where youth ministers and religious educators can receive training, resources, and, most importantly, community. It’s only $25/month ($275 annually), and to sign up, click the button below.
You don’t have to travel through ministry alone. God is by your side, and there are men and women throughout the Universal Church who want to see you succeed. Don’t sit in your isolation for long. Reach out; we’re here.