I’m Still Processing It And Would Love For You To Join Me

I’m still not sure how I truly feel. When the news broke I was shocked and feeling anger in many different areas. So, I did what most of us do and went to the Internet to see if anyone could give me direction. I found people lamenting, venting and questioning. There were people trying to make sense of what has happened and others calling for immediate action. None of it was helping.

I usually write about best practices, strategies, and ways or improving ministry. I thought about advice or insight I could share with you all, but really just felt called to lament and share what I’ve been thinking when it comes to the Pennsylvania Grand Jury’s Report. Three thoughts come to mind:

It sucks when you are hurt by those you love

This isn’t the first time I’ve been hurt by those that I have loved and it’s not the first time the church has hurt me. It’s like a bad dream or a punch to the gut. You try to escape but you just have to sit in it.

I feel pain for all victims of abuse, and not just the ones associated with these findings. Everytime stories of abuse pop up, it must feel like a wound being reopened. My heart breaks for them having to relive the nightmare once again.

I think about the pain of people who invested so much in the leaders who turned out to be liars and predators. Having your heroes turn into villains brings confusion, frustration, and sadness.

There is a lot more pain and with that, there needs to be mourning and lamenting. There needs to be an expression of angst because what we feel is real. So, right now I’m in pain because my emotions are beating the crap out of each other.

The noise is overwhelming but not as deafening as the silence

As I mentioned before I went online to find direction and all I found was more turmoil. It’s a reminder that we all react to tragedy differently. Some are looking for solutions while others cry out, “WHY!?” I want to turn it off, I want to avoid as much pain as possible.

But, that doesn’t work. Ignoring the situation won’t solve anything. I believe that after people have an opportunity to mourn and express their emotions that we can then begin to move forward. There can’t be silence because silence in this situation won’t lead to solutions. There should be a discussion on:

• How we’re going to continue to create and review systems that protect others (especially our children)
• Supporting victims, their families and giving people a voice to speak up
• Holding people accountable for their actions and working together to develop just consequences

There is so much to discuss because there has been too much silence. I know that as I process the situation I need to do that with others.

Despite the pain, I still feel hope

I think I’m probably going to feel like this for a while. But, after going to Mass yesterday and hearing my pastor’s response I believe that God’s love will prevail. Even though I was hurt by the church it’s also helping me process and move through the situation. Just like when the body is sick or hurt, it’s the body that works to heal itself.

This isn’t the first time the church has hurt itself and it won’t be the first time it heals itself. Last night we had our volunteer kickoff for the year and seeing the faces of so many wonderful men and women reminded me that I don’t have to face the situation alone. Even though we’re all struggling with it, we aren’t alone and in that is hope.

We’ve been united by Christ and in prayer and it’s through the Holy Spirit that we’ll find healing. I don’t know how, but I do believe it will happen.

I’m still processing this and I know many of you are as well. I want to invite you into the conversation and one of the ways you can join me is through my different outlets. This Tuesday I invite you to join me, Michael Marchand, and a few of our friends on our web show CYM Live. It’s a weekly show where Michael and I answer questions regarding youth ministry. The two of us thought it’d be appropriate to address the current situation.

If you are not a member of Catholic Youth Ministry Discussions on Facebook then you can visit CYMlive.com. There you’ll have access to the show and other updates. Also, on the Church Podcast that I host with John Rinaldo, we discuss on Tuesday (August 21st) a few ways to move through the current situation. You can access that here or subscribe on iTunes.

Despite feelings of hurt and betrayal, I still love my church. My life has been changed for the better because of it. I still feel pain, but I won’t hide it and I don’t want you to either. Engage in the emotions and more importantly lean into God, because His love will not fail.

If you have thoughts or comments you want to share feel free to leave them below or on the Facebook Page.

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