When I first heard that states were lifting the stay at home mandate, I thought to myself, “That seems too soon.” but it didn’t bother me because that was over there, and I’m here. And then yesterday, our governor announced that Maryland would begin opening up. My initial thought, “Crap, I’m not ready.” and if I’m going, to be honest, the anxiety went up at least five notches.
Like others, I want COVID-19 to disappear. I want to be able to go for a run, head to the store, and connect with people without worrying about the infection. I don’t want businesses to suffer or isolation to increase, but at the same time, the decision to reopen seems so freaking complicated. I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do about my ministry. I’m not ready because there are so many decisions about the ministry I still have to make. I just canceled some camps, does this mean they are back on? Are my kids going back to school in the fall? Will I still get to telecommute if I don’t feel safe putting my kids in summer camp? Will I be the overprotective parent and miss out on something epic? Crap, so many questions that still need to answer, and I feel like I do not have the information to help me make them.
From conversations I’ve had with many of you over the last few days, I know I’m not alone. The anxiety and fear of what’s next are immense. Many of us are wondering what to do. Please remember you aren’t alone and that there are things you can do to get ready, like:
A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly. – John 10:10
The evil one wants to take away your joy. Amid this pandemic, he’s pulling off one major mind @&#!. It’s through this spiritual battle that I’ve had to realize that God has a lot of work to do on me. If I’m going to get ready, I’m going to have to let Him pour into me, mold me, and whip me into shape.
It’s important to remember that we have a God who will not abandon His children. He will remind us of His presence through our prayers and the prayers of other believers. When we trust God, it’s incredible the strength He provides to help us figure out the impossible.
I’m so glad I have a therapist. We’ve been talking regularly throughout this pandemic because there is a lot of messiness in my mind. She allows me to vent, lament, and mind dump without any judgment. She asks questions to help me process the world around me. My therapist is great at helping me clear my mind so that I can listen to God better.
I know some of us have family, and we should be honest with them; however, we have to be careful not to place a burden on them that could hurt the relationship. Having a professional (therapist, spiritual director, coach, etc.) provides us with someone objective and neutral. To get started, reach out to the human resources department in your diocese to see what resources are available.
I feel like I need more information before I decide it’s okay to go back. At the same time, I can’t tell you how much or what information I need because there seems to be a spectrum of what we should and should not believe. I’ve been spending too much time analyzing the numbers, reading comments on social media, and trying to process all the noise.
I need to quiet the noise by trusting God. I need to believe that he has put the right people in the position to make decisions. I have to trust that God will walk with me and watch over me as I make decisions. If I choose not to believe, I choose to live in a dangerous world where walls get built up, and pride takes over. I’m not telling you who to trust (Outside of God), but I urge you to resist skepticism because it will eat you alive.
We have to remember that the process to reopen is going to take time. You have time to rebuild your ministry and programs. If anything, we’ve had permission to be strategic and think outside the box. That means taking each day, hour, and moment at a time. While reopening might seem like it’s coming sooner than we’re ready, it should be a sign that it’s starting to planning. That means:
I’m not ready, but then again, I don’t have to be ready because we have a God who is always there. I don’t have to be ready because leadership isn’t about perfection; it’s about stepping into the void and making decisions, even if there is uncertainty.
I hope that if you are feeling anxious that you know that you are not alone and that there is a way beyond it. Please remember that I’m praying for you, and even if I’ve never met you that I do care about you. Please stay safe, stay sane, and sanitized. You got this, and also if you don’t, He does.
What’s making you feel most anxious about reopening?