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How To Receive Feedback Like A Pro
Christopher Wesley
Mar 11, 2019
I wasn’t in the mood for advice, but he was going to give it to me anyway. We had just finished a night of ministry, and one of my volunteers wanted to give me some advice. He wasn’t trying to attack me, but I was tired and defensive. I was also sensitive because I felt like I still had something to prove. I tried to be receptive but could tell it wasn’t working, he got frustrated and said, “Listen, I was only trying to help.” He didn’t stick with the ministry much longer.
Whether he left because of my stubbornness or other reasons I’ve learned over the years that a good leader knows how to receive, process and utilize feedback. Even if the input is obnoxious, wrong or bad, we need to be able to handle it, also if you don’t use it. To manage the feedback (negative and positive) that comes your way you need to:
PRACTICE THE ART OF LISTENING
Bad advice or not you have to listen. Not because it shows others that you care about them, but you’ll find over time that there is something you can learn from everyone’s comments. Even if the feedback is negative, you might find a piece of truth in there. The more you listen, the more you’ll notice trends of what people don’t know or do know.
To listen effectively, don’t think about responding right away. Just absorb what is being communicated and affirm the speaker that you have heard them. If there is time to respond then use the information you’ve been given, otherwise follow up later. If it’s feedback that doesn’t warrant a response thank them and give it over to God.
BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU RECEIVE
On top of listening you want to be accessible. Some people might hold back from sharing feedback because they are afraid that you won’t receive it well or they don’t want you to be disappointed with them. Thanking someone for their honesty and feedback can diffuse those fears. In addition to eliminating their worries, it will reduce your need to defend yourself. It will help you with listening and allow you to determine whether or not you can use what they are sharing.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU
Doesn’t matter the type of advice you receive all of it can be hard to swallow. Even if it’s good advice, you might not know what to do with it. That’s why you need people around you who can walk with you, hold you accountable and help you figure out how to process everything around you. That’s why every leader needs a strategic leadership team.
On your team should be men and women who are smart about the ministry, but who know you as a person. You need people who you are willing to get to know on a personal level and share with them things that are personal to you. The more you trust them, the easier it’s going to be to swallow the hard truth you receive from them. And you’ll trust them to help you analyze other people’s input as well.
BUILD A SYSTEM OF FEEDBACK
If you don’t want to appear defensive, then you need to get proactive with gaining feedback. Setting up a system is so important. One of the ways I get ahead of the curb is by regularly telling parents that I have ‘open office hours’ where they can reach me to chat, talk about their kids or the program. When someone takes advantage of this time, it communicates that I’m ready to listen. They come in a little bit more prepared and ready to share.
The other strategy I use is sending out regular questionnaires and mini-surveys (Only like 2-3 questions) asking parents and teens for their help. I’ll send them out in an email with the phrase, “If you could only take a few minutes to answer these questions it would mean the world to me.” It lets them know that I need their thoughts, their opinions and I’m open to their views.
There is nothing wrong with traditional surveys that you hand out at the end of the retreat or program. Those can be helpful, but it’s essential that we do more. People need to know that they can come to us, we need to gather as much information as possible so that we can continue to grow disciples and reach future generations in new ways.
Do you have a system of feedback in your church?
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