In the early years of ministry, one of the hardest lessons I learned wasn’t about theology or programming—it was about power. And I don’t mean the flashy, top-down kind of power. I’m talking about the subtle dynamics that creep in when a volunteer—often older, well-meaning, and experienced—starts to act more like a director than a teammate.
Sometimes it starts small. A volunteer takes initiative in a way that contradicts the plan. They speak on behalf of the team in meetings. They tell other leaders how to lead their small groups—without checking in. Suddenly, you’re fielding questions you didn’t expect, defending decisions you didn’t know were being questioned, and wondering, Wait... am I the only one not in on this?
I’ve been there. I’ve even had a coworker, unhappy with how I was running youth ministry, start her own small group without telling me. I found out from a parent whose teen had been invited. It was disorienting, hurtful, and honestly... embarrassing.
IT’S NOT ALWAYS MALICIOUS
Here’s the thing: not every overstep is an act of rebellion. Some volunteers truly believe they’re helping. Older leaders may feel the need to “step in” to support someone younger or newer. Others may not realize the ripple effect of launching “side projects” without looping you in. And then, yeah, sometimes it's rooted in dissatisfaction or disagreement—but they don’t bring it to you directly.
Instead, it comes as “a concern from the group.” Which usually means: I’ve been talking to people who agree with me, and I’m here to speak on their behalf.
We’ve all heard that one.
BUILD A CULTURE OF LISTENING
The best way to address overstepping isn’t by drawing a thick line in the sand—it’s by building a culture of clarity and communication. Give people regular permission to share feedback. Invite critique, even if it stings. The more your team knows you’re listening, the less likely they are to go behind your back or operate in the shadows.
When someone contradicts your plan, bring them back to the why. Revisit the mission and vision. Remind them what we’re trying to build, together. Sometimes the issue is just a lack of clarity. Sometimes it’s a gifted leader who needs a different role. And sometimes... it’s someone who just doesn’t fit your team anymore.
That’s not failure. That’s discernment.
THE GOAL ISN’T CONTROL—IT’S COLLABORATION
Let’s be clear: I’m not afraid of volunteers running with ideas. In fact, I love it. Innovation, energy, and initiative are what keep ministry alive. But collaboration only works when trust and transparency are the foundation. If someone wants to do their own thing, great—let’s talk about it. Let’s dream it up together. Let’s make sure it fits the bigger story we’re telling.
Because the worst feeling in leadership isn’t being challenged—it’s being excluded.
So whether you're a brand-new youth minister or a seasoned leader like me, the challenge is the same:
Build a culture where people are free to speak, encouraged to lead, and reminded that we’re all on the same team.
And if you’re that volunteer reading this, wondering if maybe you’ve overstepped? Thank you for caring enough to serve. But don’t lead alone. Come to the table. We need your voice—we just need it in the room, not outside of it.
Who on your team needs clarity around their role? What conversations have you been putting off?
If someone’s behavior is making ministry harder for you or your team, don’t ignore it or hope it works itself out. Start a conversation with grace and confidence. Here’s one way to approach it:
A SIMPLE ACTION PLAN FOR A HARD CONVERSATION
1. Start with Curiosity, Not Accusation
“Hey, I noticed you’ve been stepping up in some new ways lately—can you help me understand what’s been on your mind?”
Approach them as a person, not a problem. Ask questions. Listen before jumping to conclusions.
2. Reaffirm the Mission (and Their Role)
“I want to make sure we’re working toward the same goal—and that you’re set up for success in your role. Here’s the plan and why it matters...”
Clarify expectations, and remind them of the vision behind the work. Sometimes it’s just a communication gap.
3. Invite Partnership—and Then Build It
“If you’ve got ideas or concerns, I’d love to keep the door open for that. Let’s make space for it moving forward.”
This isn’t about shutting someone down. It’s about bringing them in.
Creating a culture where leaders feel like partners starts here—with honest, personal conversations that lead to mutual trust.
You don’t have to have all the answers. But if your team knows their voice matters, they’ll be more likely to stay aligned with the mission... and with you.
Need help with hard coversations? Download this free guide How To Handle Overstepping (Gracefully).