I had a coaching session recently with a ministry leader who asked a question I’ve heard many times before: “How do we engage parents more?” At first, we brainstormed programs—family nights, parent talks, dinner and discussion. But then we paused and asked a better question:
What do parents really need from the Church right now?
Because most of us in ministry know the frustration: We plan something with parents in mind, put time into the food and flyer, and get... five people and a box of uneaten donuts. We wonder if parents don’t care. But maybe we’re just asking the wrong question.
Let’s stop asking how to get more parents to our events and start asking how we can show up for them. The truth is, most parents are already overloaded. Adding another night out—even if it’s “for their benefit”—feels like a chore.
But what if the Church met them where they are? What if we stopped treating parents as passive participants who need "more theology" and started treating them as people looking for real connection and support?
When this ministry leader surveyed her parents, the top request was “motivational speakers.” But as we dug deeper, she realized they weren’t looking to be fired up—they were looking to feel less alone.
If you want to know what parents need you have to work on your listening. When you don't listen you tend to address the symptoms (e.g., not going to Mass, engaging in Church life) without tackling the deeper issues.
To get to those issues we have to know what actually bothers them. When this ministry leader and I peeled back the layers we discovered parents and families in her parish boundaries struggled with:
Talking to their kids about sex, drugs, and smartphones.
Managing anxiety about college and how to properly plan for it.
Balancing priorities between family time, faith and kid's activities.
Yes, we could all benefit from a deeper understanding of the Eucharist, but if some of these other issues are standing in the way we'll never get their attention.
Parents don’t need another lecture. They need relationships. One idea we explored was to host “Real Parent Talks”—monthly gatherings (that coincided with children and youth ministry gatherings) where the Church helps with real-life challenges.
Have a pediatrician, therapist or medical profession talk about kids’ health issues and how to navigate around them.
Your turnout might be small at first, but if you offer quality it'll grow. And you’re not replacing catechesis. You’re building trust. And with trust comes openness to faith.
These gatherings don’t have to be flashy. Start with food and laughter. Try a game like Four Corners: “If your kid plays travel sports, go to this corner. If your kid’s obsessed with Roblox, that corner.” You’d be surprised how much connection that creates.
And if you only host 4–8 gatherings a year, make each one count. Film it. Capture signups. Send a follow-up newsletter with highlights and reflection questions. Build a rhythm of presence, not pressure.
Too often we ask, “Why don’t parents come to us?” But maybe the better question is: How can the Church come to them?
If you are afraid of hosting events at the parish, see if you can partner with local schools, and community organizations to sponsor or volunteer at their next event. Even if you don't have kids at that age, being present in the community shows that Church cares.
Building real trust with parents won't happen overnight, and it won't happen just because we offer another program. It starts by paying attention to what’s missing—and being willing to change how we approach ministry.
That’s why it’s worth asking: