It was as if every small noise in the room was getting on my nerves. My small group of boys were restless and I was losing my patience. Finally, one of them made a sarcastic remark, so I took the pen in my hand and threw it at him. BAM! Right in the face! The room of 8 middle school boys looked at me in shock. That’s when they started to chant,
“SUE HIM!”
Later I apologized to his mom, who only smiled and said, “I’ve been there to. No harm no problem.” It doesn’t take a genius to know that I could have handled the situation better. In fact, it doesn’t take people long to realize that working with teenagers is a whole lot like herding cats in the midst of a tropical storm. There will be times when all you can do is rely on God’s Grace. The problem is when the chaos becomes uncontrollable, when this happens it’s important to:
KEEP YOUR COOL
Freaking out and calling out the group will only escalate the issue. While you might not feel in control, the last thing you want to do is lose your cool. If the disruption becomes too much to move through don’t be afraid to pause and refocus. Slowing down the situation will give you the clarity on what to do next.
RELY ON PRAYER
After that moment of silence welcome in the Holy Spirit. If you are in front of a large group it could be a simple, “Come Holy Spirit Come” that you whisper to yourself. If you are bold you can tell the group, “Hey all, I’m feeling restless, and I’m sure some of you are too. In situations like this I think it’s important to pause and invite God into our hearts.” Then lead them in a simple prayer, rest and then continue. It’s during these messy situations where we have to remember to rely on God’s Grace to carry us through.
BE FLEXIBLE
Sometimes the distraction is so big it’s hard to move through it. That’s where being adaptable and flexible is so important. I’ve been in situations where the large group was so noisy we just jumped into small groups. There have been times in small groups where the teens couldn’t sit still so we moved group to a walk around the church. Don’t be afraid to change the plan, or environment it could very much save the night.
While you can’t prepare for every situation there are at least 2 steps every youth minister should take to prevent distractions from happening. those two are:
PUTTING A PROTOCOL IN PLACE FOR YOUR VOLUNTEERS
Every youth ministry should have a disruptive teen policy. That should include large group events and small group situations. In a LARGE GROUP you should train your volunteers to recognize disruptive behavior and take action if you aren’t available. It probably should start with a gentle warning, followed by side conversations. (For more on handling disruptive behavior click HERE)
In a SMALL GROUP setting it’s important to partner up. You can gently warn the person in front of the group, but if it gets unbearable you need someone to say, “Hey, let’s chat on the side here” while the rest of the group meets with the other leader.
No matter what you decided to do make sure your leaders are trained on it ahead of time, so that they know what to do when a teen is acting up.
BUILDING UP YOUR TEAM
When the adult to teen ratio is at a healthy level (My opinion is 1:6 for middle school and 1:8 for high school) you can cut down on distractions because you’ve built in accountability. You have more adults to make small gestures and suggestions that will diffuse potential distractions. It allows you as a leader to focus on other things because you have people who are looking out for the teens.
Again, every healthy youth ministry will have it’s chaotic nights. There will be days when your patience is tested and you want to lose it, but remember that’s normal. Just keep relying on God, keep moving through it and remember it’s a journey.
What are your best practices for dealing with disruptive teenagers?
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