How To Create Healthy Boundaries In Ministry

I wasn’t expecting this phone call. The parent seemed a little embarrassed, but I could tell she needed to share what had been discussed in her son’s small group the previous week. She said, “Chris, I have nothing against my son’s small group leader, but my son came home asking if he could watch a certain television show because his leader was talking about it in the group. I’m not okay with the show, and I’m not sure this leader should be sharing that with teenagers.”

I understood her concern and asked for a few more details. Fortunately, it sounded like the leader had only mentioned watching the show, not described any specific episodes. At the time, the show was hugely popular, but I agreed with the parent—it wasn’t appropriate for a young audience. Unintentionally, the leader had crossed a boundary.

Thankfully, I was able to address the issue. The small group leader apologized to the parents, and he and I had a conversation about appropriate sharing. It reminded me that in relational ministry, boundaries will get crossed—even with good intentions. To help your team or fellow volunteers navigate this, here’s what I’ve learned:

CREATE CLARITY FROM THE START

It might feel tedious, but onboarding and consistent training around protocols and procedures can save you a lot of headaches later. Every ministry should be thinking about:

• Safety measures: What to do in case of a fire, child protection, how to handle inclement weather, or where to find the first aid kit.
• Communication protocols: How will your team communicate? Email, a third-party app, or group texts?
• Ministry expectations: When should volunteers arrive? What are their specific responsibilities—whether they’re leading a small group or setting up chairs?
• Vision and mission: Why does the ministry matter? How does their role contribute to that purpose?

Providing this information from the start—and regularly revisiting it—builds confidence and competence. It’s not just about logistics; it’s about showing your team how to thrive within clear boundaries.

BE AWARE OF THE INVITATIONS YOU MAKE

Early in ministry, I made a rookie mistake: I gave my cell phone number to the whole team and said, “If you have questions, give me a call.” I wasn’t thinking anyone would actually call—let alone on a Saturday morning, my day off. But they did.

That experience taught me to set better boundaries around communication. I wanted to be accessible, but only during certain hours. I stopped checking work email on my phone and reserved my mobile number for emergencies.

When someone crosses a boundary, it’s important to address it. I don’t scold or shame; I simply explain the boundary and why it exists. For example, I might say, “I want to give you my full attention, which I can only do during these specific times.”

Being relational and accessible doesn’t mean sacrificing your personal space or time. Clear boundaries show respect—for yourself and others—and most people will honor them once they know what they are.

BUILD TRUST THAT LEADS TO ACCOUNTABILITY

When a boundary is crossed, the situation needs to be addressed—even if it seems minor, like someone walking into your office when the door is closed or texting you on your day off. Conversations like these are essential for fostering a healthy ministry environment. However, accountability only works when there’s trust.

To build trust, invest in your relationships. Take time to listen, understand the strengths and motivations of your team, and be consistent in your own habits and communication. Show that you’re reliable by modeling the very boundaries you ask others to follow.

Trust lays the foundation for accountability. When your team knows you’re invested in their success, they’re more likely to respond positively when an issue arises. And when accountability is healthy, it becomes a natural part of your ministry culture—a way to address problems without breaking relationships.

MINISTRY IS MESSY—BUT IT’S WORTH IT

Ministry is messy because relationships take work. Most people don’t intentionally cross boundaries; it happens when expectations aren’t clear. By striving for clarity, setting thoughtful boundaries, and focusing on trust, you strengthen your team and better serve the mission God has called you to.

So, don’t shy away from addressing boundaries—it’s not about being legalistic but about creating a space where everyone can thrive. The clearer your boundaries, the stronger your ministry will be.