My small group leader seemed overwhelmed. She said, “Chris, I don’t have the time to do all these things you want me to do in addition to showing up on Sundays.” She was responding to my request that leaders try to connect with teens during the week. At first I was annoyed thinking she was just making excuses, but the truth is that she was right, I was asking a lot.
It would be great if my leaders were connecting with teens during the week, but that’s not always possible because many of us lead busy lives. It’s hard enough for those of us in full time ministry to do that yet, we expect our team can. But, busyness isn’t just an adult issue, we see that with our teens.
I’ll see a teen at Mass and ask, “Hey, you joining us tonight for small groups?” and the response is, “Oh, I wish but I have X happening tonight.” I smile and say, “No, worries we’ll see you next time.” When I’m really thinking, “What? It’s the same time every week? How’s this not a priority?”
It’s easy to get frustrated when people don’t make the time for church. We judge them for not making it a priority, but is it really their fault? Sometimes, but then there are times when we don’t make it easy because we have not:
What are your teens facing in life? What’s overwhelming that and occupying their mind? Your teens might be craving acceptance from their peers or they might be searching for purpose in their lives. They might want to avoid the pain that’s happening at home or they could be questioning their identity. They are looking for something and you have the ability to help them do that, but you can’t do that without empathy.
We often confuse sympathy with empathy. Brené Brown describes it best in this video (Click HERE). As youth ministers we need to show teens that we are listening and that we care. We don’t have to worry about programs, but enter into their world. When they see the Church cares they’ll begin to grow a connection and a desire for more.
The days of opening your doors and expecting people to show up are no longer in existence. If you are in ministry and spending the majority of your time behind a desk you are limiting your influence. Going into the community attending sporting events, connecting with a school principal or bringing a volunteer lunch at their work are ways you can be in the community and do ministry during the week.
And if there isn’t anyone to connect with in the community visit your coworkers. Sit with them dream about ministry and work on projects together. Yes, social media and email can be effective tools, but they can paint a false reality that you are connecting with those you are trying to serve.
When teens show up we teach them about the Church and what the Church says about specific topics and issues. While that can be interesting to a teenager, what they want to know is why it all matters. You might not have the answer to all of their questions, but you do have the ability to witness why having faith is important. As a leader work on your testimony and finding opportunities to share it. Remind people that you aren’t perfect, but a work in progress. It will give them a relevant and realistic vision of how the Church can bless them.
It’s easy to lose sight of what’s important because there is so much noise in the world. If your volunteers, parents or teens struggle to put Church first, reproach your strategy. Go to them, show them you care and connect with them. It’ll take time because you can’t do this for everyone, but you’ll set a model of what it means to care and how to serve your community. You’ll begin to create a welcoming and loving culture based on the love of Christ, and that’s irresistible.