GUEST POST: How To Follow Someone Who Does Not Lead Like You

Most of us in youth work serve under a leader, whether we’re a volunteer working for a full-time youth minister, a youth minister with a pastor, or a campus minister with a principal. The more I work under ministry leaders of varying temperaments, the more I believe it is pivotal for youth workers to be leaders in the middle of our organizations.

First: Accept your leader as a human

Your leaders have weird eccentricities and annoying habits because they are human! Your supervisor is also created in the image of God – even though they do not lead like you.

If we were the leader, we’d make different decisions, and we assume those decisions would be better. This mindset leads to pride, discontent, and bitterness. When we allow others the freedom to be themselves, we nurture a much healthier relationship with them.

Care for your leader as a person

In the daily grind of ministry, it’s easy to forget to ask your leader about themselves. How’s their family? How’s their health? Even the most standoffish pastor will occasionally mention something about their personal life – follow up on this.

Your leader will notice that you care about them as a person, and this human connection will give both of you more empathy for the other’s needs.

Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

I never go into a meeting with my supervisor without an agenda. It might be scribbled on a scrap of paper, but I have it.

If you’re taking time from your supervisor, make sure you know what you need. If you have a problem, brainstorm a couple of solutions – your supervisor might have a better one, but never bring up a problem without a solution. Give quick updates on what’s been going well.

You’ll learn how formal your supervisor prefers meetings, but even for the most informal meetings, I suggest planning.

Pray for your leader

Again, it seems obvious but this is a game-changer.

I worked in a position I loved, but when we got a new supervisor, I struggled to adjust to his leadership style. He leads drastically different than me, and I came to resent him, which negatively affected the quality of my work.

I struggled with the decision to extend my contract for another year. I began to pray for my leader, asking God to fix our relationship because I loved the people I was serving.

I want to say God changed his leadership style, but as it often goes, God changed me. God softened my heart towards him, so I could see how his leadership style was valuable and productive. To this day, I admire him as a leader, even though we still have very different styles.

Pray for the things your leader needs, and pray that God will show you ways you can help them succeed in their position.

Find fulfilling connection points

The only time you ask your pastor to be present should not be when he hears confessions or says mass. Some priests prefer this, but they are in the minority.

If every time you ask your pastor to come to youth events, remember you’re asking him to do something additional. Do not be surprised if he sees the program as draining. Get creative – is there a casual event he could be a part of?

If you’re an intern, your youth minister is already around, but tell her about the decisive moments she missed. Youth ministers often hear the problems with students and miss the great things said in a small group. Make an effort to remember the moments that were fulfilling for you – they will be fulfilling to your leader.

Which of these steps would be hardest for you? Generally, that’s where you should start.Brooke grew up Catholic and has been doing youth ministry since she was 10, when she helped her mom with Children’s Liturgy of the Word. She has done everything from summer camps to parish high school ministry to weekend youth conferences. Brooke went to Indiana Wesleyan University and received a degree in Youth Ministry and Honors Humanities. Currently she lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan and works at a Catholic Montessori Preschool. She loves her job because she gets to go to Mass every day and because the kids say hilarious things. Outside of work, Brooke enjoys playing with her cat, knitting, gardening on her apartment balcony, and playing board games with friends. Her husband is a medical student at Western Michigan University, and she loves asking for his advice when she’s sick and then not listening to it at all.