I’ve got a great pastor, and we’ve got a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, it has not always been smooth sailing. There have been times when I’ve disrespected his authority by chewing him out in front of others. There have been times when he’s made decisions without hearing me out. What’s gotten us through is a commitment to communicate and work through the tension. In the end the results have not only been a great relationship but a powerful advocacy for the student program.
A question I hear often is, “How do I get my pastor on board?” It’s a question filled with emotion and tension. You want what you do to matter to him and if it appears like it doesn’t the feelings of isolation increase. It’s not that he doesn’t care, in fact he probably does greatly. The problem is that there is some drop in the communication that bring unnecessary tension to the relationship. To resolve this and bring him on board you need to:
- Lead Up: For him to be on your side you have to prove to him that you are on his. Believe it or not a lot of the challenges you face are similar to his. Instead of focusing on what he should be doing for you, look at what you should be doing for him. That means checking in with him, and seeing what he is doing. Commit to his vision and show him honor both publicly and privately.
- Keep Him Up To Date: The tendency is to report to your pastor when there are only problems. Find time to share with him success stories from your ministry. Let him know what is happening programmatically and seek his advice. It’s not like you have to invite him to every event, just let him know what he should know so he is never off guard.
- Share What You Know: You are probably the most passionate person on your staff about the next generation, that’s why you were hired. To bring that passion to your pastor you need to share it with him emotionally and tangibly. Like before, make sure you are sharing stories of success; however, also share books, articles, research that indicates why you care about what you do. Your passion will leak through and while he might not be at the same level, he will respect it.
- Be Clear: Even professional relationships are messy. Whenever you feel disconnected to your pastor it’s important to lean into the situation and seek clarity. That might mean communicating over a disagreement so that you can move forward. It might mean clarifying an upcoming event so that he’s confident when approached about it. The more clarity you bring to a situation the more confidence he’ll have in you and your program.
You do not have to be best buddies with your pastor; however, the relationship needs to be healthy. Communication is the key; therefore, look on improving on it between the two of you. Remember he hired you not to oppose you, but to trust you with the next generation. Honor that trust, by working to get him on board.
How do you build the trust and relationship that you have with your pastor? What roadblocks do you hit?