I once had a youth minister ask me, “What do you do when you’re struggling at work, but you have no one to go to because it’s also your parish?”
My heart sank, because I could tell she felt completely alone—yet it’s something I hear far more often than people realize.
Whether or not to work where you worship (or worship where you work) is one of those debates where I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. When you worship where you work, it’s easier to form relationships and feel connected to the community. When you worship elsewhere, you gain separation and margin. Things become even more complicated once you factor in family. Whether it’s your spouse and kids or parents and siblings, the balance gets tricky.
Over the years, this is what I’ve learned about working where you worship—and when it might be time to create some separation.
Running a retreat for people in your parish is not the same as attending one for yourself. While you can gain something from developing a Bible study, it’s not the same as reading Scripture in your own prayer time. Even when you go to Mass, you sometimes have to ask yourself, “Why am I here?”
Am I assisting with the liturgy, or am I here as a disciple of Jesus Christ?
At times, it can be both. But if you’re never able to distinguish between work and worship, you may eventually resent both. That resentment isn’t a failure—it’s often a signal that something needs attention.
What I’ve found helpful is creating a clear work schedule. Anything that happens within that schedule—even attending Mass—may count as work. Adjustments will happen, but naming those boundaries creates margin and protects your spiritual life.
My wife was always great at asking, “Are you going to sit with us at Mass, or do you have to work?”
This usually came up on weekends when I had to assist with the Liturgy of the Word or rush out afterward to get programs started. If we knew a weekend would be especially busy, I’d sometimes say, “Go without me,” or “Let’s go to a different liturgy.”
Like any job, ministry has good days and hard days. You’re going to have a boss (often your pastor) who has off days, or maybe you’re the one having one. Either way, it’s important to share what’s challenging while recognizing that the more you share, the more it shapes how your family experiences Church.
Even children pick up on parish dynamics. That’s why it matters to name the shared burden that can come with worshipping where you work. Ministry doesn’t just affect the minister—it affects the whole family.
This can be harder in rural areas or places where the next parish is hours away, but building a spiritual network beyond your parish is essential.
As a disciple, consider a spiritual director, a small group (even a virtual one), and spiritual habits that aren’t tied directly to parish responsibilities. As a minister—paid or volunteer—seek out cohorts, coaching, or professional networks that support long-term growth.
Ministry becomes especially lonely when you try to manage it alone. Surrounding yourself with people who are both connected to and separate from your parish gives you the margin to navigate challenges more faithfully.
But back to the original question: “What do you do when work is hard and you work at the parish?”
Most of the time, the deeper question is, “Who can I talk to?”
If reaching out within your parish or diocese doesn’t feel possible right now, consider:
A spiritual director to help tend to your relationship with God and the spiritual challenges you’re carrying.
A therapist or counselor if emotional pain, anxiety, or stress feels overwhelming. Your primary care physician or Employee Assistance Program (EAP) can often help you get started.
A ministry coach if you want help building habits, systems, and rhythms that create margin and sustainability. Networks like NFCYM and TENx10 are great places to begin, or you can consider coaching with us. It’s free to set up a consultation [HERE].
Most importantly, remember this: you are not alone. You don’t have to carry ministry by yourself. God is not disappointed in your exhaustion, nor distant in your struggle.
Don’t stay silent. Reach out. Continue the journey with people who will walk with you and help you remain faithful—not just to ministry, but to the life God is inviting you to live.