Expectations You Cannot Meet

“Hmmm…where’s the leftover pizza?”  That would be the question running through my mind late on a Sunday night after the high school students had left.  I needed food to refuel my body, a bed to rest my head; however, what I needed the most was a little affirmation.  For a long time I would always end a night seeking comfort because I felt like I had not met expectations.  The question, “Did I do enough?” was the real question I struggled with.

Courtesy of roland/Creative Commons License

Almost ten years later I still face that question.  I know it’s one that I do not face alone.  Maybe you’ve felt it.  Maybe you’ve wondered, “Am I doing enough?”  

In youth ministry there are always going to be expectations that we place on ourselves or are put there by others.  Some are great because they’ll help us move forward and measure our success.  The problem is when expectations are set in an unfair or impossible manner, such as: 

• Being Available For Every Student: You want to connect with every student.  But, you only have so much energy to pour into others.  Balancing the relationships you have at work and home is a challenge.  What you need to look at doing is investing in volunteers who will expand your capacity.  While you personally cannot be available to every student your ministry can.

• Building A Program Overnight: You look down the street at the mega church and grow jealous of their “instant” success.  What you are probably seeing is the result of many hours, days, months and years of hard work.  There are no quick fixes in youth ministry (Or any other). Do not set false expectations of success by promising your pastor, teens, parents or the church instant hype and growth.  While you can have early success, a truly healthy ministry takes persistence, patience and perseverance.

• Changing Your Pastor, Parents, Volunteers, Teens, etc: There are going to be difficult people in your life.  Instead of setting expectations that you can change them, look to serve and honor them instead.  While you cannot change a person, you surely can influence them.  That doesn’t mean learning how to manipulate, it means learning how to build trust.  The more someone trusts you the more they are going to listen to your advice and insight.  

• Pleasing Everyone: There is probably some list of expectations on what your ministry needs to and has to be.  If you try to please everyone you’ll only find failure.  The best thing to do is understand the vision God has placed in your life and working towards it.  Make sure you are spending quiet time with God discerning your call.  Sit down and discuss the vision with your pastor.  Find that vision and focus in on it.

Unfair expectations will lead to burnout or failure.  Offer them up to God instead of allowing them to overcome your ability to serve.  Share them with a veteran youth worker or a trusted friend.  Do not allow others to define you.  Trust in God and allow His vision to set your expectations as a youth minister.

What are some false expectations that frustrate or overwhelm you?