Do You Like Me? How To Deal With Self Confidence Issues And Other Doubts That Hold Us Back

“People will discover you are a fraud.” That was a lie I would constantly tell myself. It was one of the many voices that lead to the belief that:

• Parents were out to get me
• Older volunteers were power hungry
• Teens were too self absorbed
• My coworkers didn’t care about my success

I felt patronized and belittled to the point where I didn’t trust that anyone was for me. Fortunately, I got past those doubts.

WHAT CHANGED?

Over time I was able to let a few people into my life that showed me it was in my head. What I was thinking wasn’t the reality. Who were these people? They were people I met by:

GETTING CONNECTED IN A NETWORK OF LIKE MINDED PEOPLE

As soon as I jumped into a network of other youth workers I realized that I was not alone with how I felt. I also learned that if I wanted to succeed I had to learn how to trust others.

If I had a problem with my pastor, or a parent I could talk to this network and ask questions like:

• How did you handle this situation?
• What’s something I need to do to improve?

Because they knew the journey of youth ministry I was able to trust their advice. That trust lead into trusting others, which has brought back the confidence.

ADDRESSING THE SITUATION WITH THE PROS

Sometimes the network isn’t enough and you need to peel back more layers. I have had spiritual directors, therapist and professional coaches help me address deep seeded hurts.

It’s with a pro where you can get vulnerable and really look at who God has created you to be. If you aren’t sure where to find a quality pro talk to your network.

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Having a community is essential to combatting those doubts, but it’s also learning to trust yourself. While there are different tricks and tools, 2 that have helped me (And have been recommended by the pros) are:

KEEPING A JOURNAL OF THE POSITIVE JOURNEY

Our days can fly by so quickly that it becomes difficult to remember what’s happening. If we are in a funk it’s easy to think everything is negative. To change your perspective try looking at the bright spots.

Each night write them down. It doesn’t have to be thousands of words, it can simply be lists of:

Mini goals that you met throughout your day

People who had a positive impact or impression

Small little strokes of good luck (i.e. hitting every green light on your commute)

The more you focus on the positive the more your attitude will adjust in that direction. The more positive your outlook the better you’ll see yourself.

EMBRACING QUIET AND LISTENING TO THE RIGHT VOICE

Our busyness can be the biggest obstacle to our confidence. If you are tired, worn out and overworked you’re going to have a tougher time fighting off the voices that say:

• You aren’t good enough
• No one cares about what you are doing
• You’ll never reach your goals

Those voices grows louder when we keep going. That’s why you need slow down, spend time in silence and listen to God’s voice.

If you can’t get things quiet, dive into scripture. Absorb God’s word and remind yourself that He has you right where He needs you.

People do like you and you do have the ability to impact others. Focus on the positive and remember youth ministry is messy. The more you can love yourself the more you’ll be able to love others.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOUTH MINISTERS (AND OTHER MINISTRY LEADERS) BATTLE WITH SELF DOUBT?

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