She would always smile, but you could tell that what we put her through was torture. We had just downloaded a new software that would pick teens' names randomly; however, for the fifth week in a row, one sixth-grade girl kept getting her name selected to participate in the game or activity. Out of sixty middle school students, she had been picked again and again. No one seemed to mind. In fact, people saw it as an ongoing bit. It was fun—when her name would appear, we would cheer her on, and everyone but one person loved it.
I loved the large group format. As an extrovert, it was great to be surrounded by excited teens, playing big games, worshipping with our student band, and having one person deliver the message. But what was great for those high-energy teens was not for the introverts. We have a tendency to default to extroverts, and while the percentage of introverts may be smaller than extroverts, keeping both groups in mind when building a ministry is essential for emotional, spiritual, and social development.
Build a Ministry Backbone with Small Groups
Creating faith-sharing circles not only ensures that teens feel seen and heard, but it also reduces the overwhelming numbers that can drain an introvert. Small groups provide a safe space for deep, meaningful conversations that can be transformative for everyone. Introverts can connect in an environment that values listening and reflection, while extroverts can share their energy in a way that fosters collaboration.
For example, one youth group began incorporating “reflection rounds” in their small groups. Teens were given two minutes to quietly think about a question before anyone shared. This simple change allowed introverts to process their thoughts while extroverts practiced intentional listening. The result? Teens from all personality types found deeper connections with each other and their faith.
Empower Teens Through Journaling
You will have teens who feel empowered to share their testimony in front of their peers. Others know what they feel, but the idea of public speaking is horrifying. Invite teens during retreats, events, or small groups to take some time to journal their thoughts and questions. If there is an opportunity to share and they are willing, have them read it aloud to a partner or small group. Show them how journaling can help make sense of their constantly moving thoughts.
Create Spaces to Recharge
Whether it's on a retreat or during the hangout before the program begins, make sure there are opportunities and spaces where introverts can be by themselves to recharge. Having some alone time is even healthy for the extroverted or busy teen. As Susan Cain reminds us, "Solitude matters. And for some people, it's the air they breathe." For introverts, this space is not just a preference; it’s essential for their well-being and ability to fully participate. Make sure you give them permission and let them know that they are not missing out. Designate times and spaces, and ensure everyone knows about them, so no one accidentally disrupts those moments of quiet.
Learn from the Introverts
There are adults in your ministry who are introverted and can probably offer better advice than this post. Surround yourself with men and women who understand how to create that space, and get their insight when planning a ministry opportunity. Let them challenge you, and even if it goes against every fiber in your body, remember: an introvert caught in an extrovert's world can be painful. As Laurie Helgoe reminds us, "When an introvert is quiet, don't assume he is depressed, snobbish or socially deficient." Instead, recognize that their quiet presence often carries great strength and insight that can help shape your ministry.
Why This Balance Matters
Recognizing diverse personality needs supports the emotional, spiritual, and social development of teens. Introverts gain confidence in their ability to express themselves, while extroverts learn the value of reflection and quiet. Ministry that accommodates both creates a well-rounded community where every teen feels valued and connected. By creating space for both high-energy expression and quiet reflection, we ensure every teen has a path to grow in their faith.
By meeting teens where they are—whether they shine in a crowd or thrive in a quiet corner—you demonstrate that God's love is for everyone. The sixth-grader who kept getting picked? She reminded us that ministry isn’t about forcing teens to fit a mold; it’s about creating a space where every personality finds its place in God’s story.