Are You Feeling Lonely In Leadership?

I asked my high school small group last night, “How have you guys felt lonely in last year?” It was a question I know they would not expect so they took a minute to answer. Finally, they started to share the paradox of constantly being connected with technology but missing the in-person interactions that were a part of their daily life before the pandemic. It was a deep and fulfilling conversation that lead us to further discuss where God is in our lives.

I want to present the same question to you:

How have you felt lonely in the last year?

It’s been a topic that’s circulated in and out of my life this past year. More recently, I was reading Dr. Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead where she discusses the vulnerability that comes with that question. A few things that I’ve learned about loneliness in the last year is that it affects your productivity because when you feel like it’s only you:

• The burden to get things done is heavier
• The voices and noises get louder
• Exhaustion takes over and joy diminishes

Despite being a relational job, ministry gets pretty lonely. Whether it’s the lack of volunteers, the silo mentality of the office or the new realities of the pandemic, loneliness is a huge problem. While I’m not a therapist or a behavioral health expert, this is what I’ve done to recognize and fight this feeling:

REVISIT MY PRAYER LIFE

When I am at my loneliness I am the furthest away from God. I know this is happening when crutches in my life like food, alcohol and lustful actions are more prevalent. What starts as a small act of comfort can escalate into a hopeless effort to fill the void in my life. When I recognize this is happening, I name it and revisit my prayer life, but if I don’t that’s where I have people in my life who have permission to ask questions about these situations.

SET UP ACCOUNTABLE RELATIONSHIPS

There are people in my life that I meet with on a regular basis to simply ask the question, “How’s your heart?” They are mostly men that I can confide in when I’m struggling with personal and professional decisions. I’ve given them permission to ask me about anything, anytime they sense something is off and of course they remind me of the resources that are at my disposal.

To set up these relationships you have to be intentional. If you are married your spouse is a good start; however, you need other people as well. Make a commitment where you will meet with them monthly to check-in and talk about life. Pray together and pray for one another. The regular meet ups will make it easier to say, “I need help.” next time your are facing something on your own.

GO TO THE PROFESSIONALS

While prayer and community are critical, they are sometimes not enough. There are deeper issues that we all face that need the guidance of a spiritual director and or a therapist. There is special training that comes with both and they’ll be able to help you get to the source of the issue.

The challenge with both is that it might take a minute to build trust, especially if you aren’t good with being vulnerable. It will also take some time to get to the root of the issue; however, after being with them for a period of time it gets easier to jump in and discuss the deeper issues. They’ll help you identify the triggers and develop strategies to move you out of isolation.

CONNECT WITH LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE

I’m a part of a biweekly cohort of ministry professionals where we talk about ministry and life. I am also a part of a regional group of youth ministers in my Archdiocese where we get together monthly. When I hear the stories of men and women in similar situations to mine it reminds me that I am not alone. Being a part of a few cohorts helps me remember that God wants the Church to be a body that works together.

If you are looking for a cohort then visit MYM U (Click HERE). Cohorts meet biweekly and they bring leaders together to talk about life and ministry. These groups are an opportunity for ministry professionals to receive the accountability and encouragement they need to thrive.

If you are feeling exhausted or overwhelmed remember it might be due to the fact that you are carrying a burden on your own. Engage in your prayer life and find someone to talk to and pray with you. Ministry is not something you should do on your own and it’s much more fruitful when we lead together.

How do you battle loneliness?