When You’re A Parent…
Courtesy of Dreamstime.com About 6 years ago I had a meeting with parents about the faith journey of their child. During the meeting there was...
The youth group had ended, and I had two students, two parents, my wife, a core member, and my associate pastor all staring at me, waiting for me to say something. Earlier in the night, two teenagers had engaged in a physical altercation, and I had to resolve it.
Paul Devine is High School and Young Adult Director at St. John XXIII in Perrysburg, OH. He has been in the youth ministry field for 12 years and loves it more and more. His beautiful wife, Kristina and 3 kids(Grace, Moses, Rosemary) tell him how to run the house. He loves to play frisbee golf, building epic environments for ministry, learning how to be a better disciple, and wants to become the patron saint of hot sauce. Start praying for some miracles!
I like to say that I said the right thing at that moment, but the parents weren’t too pleased with my response. To be honest, I don’t know what would have been the best thing to say, but what I’ve learned since is to slow the situation down and answer these four questions when dealing with parents in a high-stress case
QUESTIONS #1: WHAT IS THE PARENT FEELING?
A parent will often feel what their student feels. When a student is happy, the parent is happy. When the student is upset, the parent can be distraught. Remember parents have an emotional bond with their kids and they are often grounded in the emotion to protect and advocate for their child. Remember there is going to be emotion behind their response, but try not to take it personally.
QUESTION #2: WHAT’S ON THE PARENT’S PLATE?
Parents are working through their issues. Instead of shying away from tough situations, leverage this moment as an opportunity to invest in the whole family. Commit to walking with them through the situation. That could mean checking in with them every couple of weeks and asking them, “How’s it going?”
Loving a parent will help you minister to their student because a parent has essential information a teen might not share with you or another adult volunteer. Take time to ask them how they are feeling and listen to their response. You don’t have to have a solution, but let them know they don’t have to process it alone.
QUESTION #3: AM I LISTENING WITH INTENT?
Remember that these high-stress situations are not something to hide from; they are opportunities. Parents will be vulnerable and open for someone to come in and speak love and mercy. Help them lean into the tough issues by listening to them and praying for them.
QUESTION #4: HAVE I CLARIFIED THE MINISTRY’S VALUE?
More often than not, parents did NOT have a youth minister in their life when they were a student. Because of that, it is possible that they look at this as something beautiful but completely unnecessary. When they do not understand the value of the ministry, they will not value YOUR leadership or support the ways you are calling their students to a higher standard.
Ministry is going to have its high-stressed moments, and while we might want to avoid them, they are normal. Pray for the parents; lead their student; and help them to push through the emotion as a confident leader of the faith.
What ways are you actively leveraging vulnerable moments with parents to support your ministry to your students?
Paul Devine is High School and Young Adult Director at St. John XXIII in Perrysburg, OH. He has been in the youth ministry field for 12 years and loves it more and more. His beautiful wife, Kristina and 3 kids(Grace, Moses, Rosemary) tell him how to run the house. He loves to play frisbee golf, building epic environments for ministry, learning how to be a better disciple, and wants to become the patron saint of hot sauce. Start praying for some miracles!