I sometimes wonder what my sons’ teachers think of me. I wonder, “Am I THAT parent that confuses, frustrates or scares them?” If that’s an odd question, I get it, but it comes to my mind whenever I have an odd encounter with a parent in my ministry.
Before children I remember thinking that I would never be THAT parent, but before kids I didn’t know
:
- What it meant to be really tired
- That I could love something that drove me crazy
- I would worry about every little thing that could negatively happen to them
And when you go about your day tired and thinking about all the bad stuff that could happen to those you love, it will make you at times a really difficult person. Being a parent has helped me appreciate the parents of teens that I serve.
You don’t have to be a parent to be an effective youth minister. Yes, people will give you a little bit more credit (deserved or not) if you have kids, but it doesn’t mean you cannot do your job well. While parental solidarity and empathy help what you really need if you want to be effective with serving parents is:
KNOWING HOW TO SHOW THEIR KIDS VALUE
While our numbers do matter, we need to make sure that their names matter more. Parents want to know that you know their teen. They will want to know that you pick up on more than just their name. That can be overwhelming to do on your own and that’s why you need a team.
As you recruit and train leaders make sure the focus is not just on the task, but on how well they know the teens and their families. Show parents that when their teens walk into your ministry that there is a whole community ready to receive them.
MAKING TIME TO GET TO KNOW THEM AS A PERSON AND NOT A PARENT
Not only do we need to show the teens value, but their parents as well. I try to build into my schedule time to chat on the phone or meet one on one with parents. There doesn’t have to be an agenda, it’s just an opportunity to get to know them as someone more than Johnny’s Dad or Sarah’s Mom.
When parents feel known they’ll engage in your ministry. They’ll pitch in when help is needed and support you in your decisions. They’ll pay more attention to your emails, and show up to your meetings because they’ll know it’s coming from someone who values their time and family.
LISTENING TO WHAT’S GOING ON BEYOND THE EMOTION
Parents will come at you with emotion, especially when it involves their teen. When I first started out in ministry and a parent came at me with tears or anger it was hard not to get defensive and that’s because I made every situation about me. I was encouraged by others to slow down, not speak and just listen. As I listened to parents and their rants I learned there was more going on then what I initially observed.
Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything to upset a parent, you just might trigger something deeper. Take the time to listen, pray for them and walk with them. Your presence might not solve their problems, but it will remind them that we have a God that will never abandon them.
PROVIDE THEM A COMMUNITY OF SUPPORT AND LOVE
There are plenty of books, podcasts, workshops and seminars on parenting but what they are really craving is community. Whenever I hold a meeting or an event that includes parents I make sure there is time for socialization. I want them to remember that they aren’t alone and there are other parents who have walked the path that they are on and others who are going through it at that exact moment.
In addition to hosting events for parents it’s important to build up small groups. It’s through small groups where parents, like the teens in your ministry, can build solid relationships that bring them back to Christ. Start by asking a parent or two who are already involved in your ministry to get them going, if you need assistance in growing small groups in your parish reach out to us HERE
Being a parent is challenging but rewarding at the same time. Parents aren’t always easy to work with, but they are a necessary partner if we are going to reach the next generation. Be purposeful and intentional about your relationships with them. It will not only impact the teens you are trying to serve but bless your ministry with advocates and investors who want to see you succeed.
What are your best tactics when it comes to working with parents?
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